fathers, wish you were here - jj cale

me: we are crossing into the apocalypse officially
ears: (snicker)
me: it starts with tomatoes
ears: then...
me: then we'll be like that lovely gay couple on Last Of Us
ears: (snicker)

no I do not have a pomeranian's worth of pubes, that's E's dog hiding the only place she stops growling ft ancient tshirt left from the nuns, appropriately holey

 

"fishing w dad"

It's summer soltice, longest day of the year, under a Virgo moon (try again).

One last request. Please, please, please be happy. Try. You’re going to die, you know. Trust me on that one. Called in Dead

Think: the reverse of this day is the longest night of the year coming. 

When someone writes your obituary, you will like it because you will have laughed a lot during your life and you had friends and a dog and went to parties with balloons and to the beach and so many things that at night, each night, when you go to bed, you will think, "Wasn’t that a great day.” 

And, it is Father's Day 💔. Have a nice one if that applies to you. Remember, if you can, the rest of us, who are mourning. Bleeding in my case ('fuck a duck'). And trying to fill my dad's shoes while wearing my own boots.

At some point, I will have to call my mother.

I don’t understand death. The biology of it, yes, but not what remains for the living. Pain and memory and an empty place. I think to fully get it, you have to feel it so profoundly that it upsets your sense of the world. It has to make you a little crazy. But it also has to make you love this miracle of existence to the point of bursting. If it doesn’t, well, then you don’t get it yet. Life prevails. How strange and wondrous. In the midst of death, life prevails, calls to us, begs us, says, Come, please, don’t you dare waste this precious gift.

Self help crap tells you 'try one new thing a day' - so stupid - I've never eaten raw pork or smoked crack 🙄. Try it Virgo Way: create one new thing. 

These days, all that would have to be is a genuine laugh for just about anyone. 

Sex is largely about contact. Flesh helps. The look of it, the curve of it, roundness. Breast, hip, inner forearm. But also breath, irregular and hurried breath, partially open mouth, the newness of this experience that you’ve had many times, renewed, made fresh, made alive, the urgency that begs for slowness, the seeing someone so closely, just a few inches from a freckle. The slow jazzlike rhythm of it, unplanned movements somehow seamless, intuitive, bodies moving in a kind of slow dance, as if they had met long ago, a feeling so exquisite, Don’t end, don’t move, and yet the movement itself a kind of sublime pleasure. This feeling of wanting to laugh, to cry, to say things that in this moment you know you feel without a doubt. This act has nothing to do with sex. This is something different. This was what you had been looking for. This feeling of being fully alive, connected, emotionally, with someone else. 

It has been a decade since I have felt that. (except S.O.S.) This bit, fully alive, connected emotionally, with someone else. I looked it up, hair rising all over my body as I read it (incorrectly then) - I felt the bourbon watching, waiting.

1, 2, 3. 

He reached over, without looking, and I felt his little paw of a hand take mine. We sat, looking out at the street, waiting for life to continue, holding hands, holding on.

So what could-ought I do today? One-handed?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Your summer superpower is magnetism. You'll draw people, opportunities and revelations toward you without forcing a thing. Keep the passion, lose the suspicion and remember that vulnerability creates stronger bonds than control ever could.

That's "handy" cz all I've got is vulnerability and (so far) the stamina to live with it. 

be cheaper next week (v. life is short)

Butterknife update - better there (ass up) - I can hope, but the odds are very iffy re her ever returning to NY