bad day. another workplace death, Patti-adjacent, memorial Friday

I had 2 friends come help me with the house - one to replace windows, and E came back to paint the front door - but really twas all so my mother would have something to watch 👀 besides my face

therapy tomorrow. I am so lonely to my core and hurt and exhausted fighting it all off. if I try to talk about it, all I do is cry. so I'll cry for an hour and nothing will change

the kitchen where my friend Craig was working smelled like "guy" - I locked the bathroom door and cried and cried and cried

rn, I want to join the crowd, stop fighting it

I want to die.

I made this while my mother watched ft I didn't have to look up. a few days ago, I bought a bottle of Stapleton's whiskey to donate to a 'barrow of booze' raffle, and before I killed myself with it instead I poured it down the drain. best I could do today, barely holding on