it's impossible not to think about last year here because as much as has happened, nothing else has happened to me here since then. so might as well think about it, and I take a peek at last July. seeds planted indeed 🌱

my calendar just reminded me to call my dad tomorrow as I read through it - nice to think he's still there, sniper ready lol 🕯

it's been a hell of year, wherein everything I feared most and didn't want most in each case/circumstance was what I got. 

but here's what I think about it:

I can't think of one thing that I am ashamed of. I wasn't perfect, but I tried, above all other guiding principles, to bring Good back by Being It. I didn't say any mean thing I cringe at now, didn't do (or not-do) any shitty thing, didn't end any conversation or relationship with contempt or casual disregard. I chose over and over and over to stand up and show up. so, I feel good about it. I lost a lot of wonderful, but I had it to lose. and what I gave, I did so freely with all my little spitfire, that kept its spark under constant tearfall. like that flame in Chestnut Ridge.

I'm proud of myself. 

loving life again - ella langley