I found him. he is voluntarily in psych jail. and by his own account, the only reason he took that option over a dirtnap is me. I feel almost guilty making him keep living 

(more than almost)

thank christ it is not still today but now 24/7 is the day. however much for however many hours and however whatever

there is no detox, so no defined tour of worstduty

as soon as I knew where he was, I texted whoevever was/is/seeems in the circle of giving a flying fuck then passed out drooling on my phone exhausted af

this is not about me

but it defines every breath I take like busted ribs

how I keep waking up every few hours like this for well over a year, I dunno. at least atm I know WHY - Ears is my kid. mostly the rest of us are just adults and I should have cared less. in this case, I shoulda cared more/better.

futility + eyedrops 🫩
oddly (?), in this era of lighting candles up the wazoo, I have never once prayed to die.
Ears has.