After yesterday, I dressed as if for work to visit him, suit jacket and all. Will do from now on. And I go early so they can't "have me down" for a time that is already past (they change visiting hours at will - today, there are no 5-7 because there's a football game). I am learning all the ways in which the rights and privileges are completely arbitrary. And we are powerless. And they really get off on stressing that point, our powerlessness, like fetish-level. Just take it. "And be grateful," adds Ears. Yeup, smart boy. 

Dressed like a professor, they don't swing the door back in my face irritated to have to monitor the visiting room. The situation remains, but the microagressions are less.

Mean sheeple are very simple beings. One note instruments.

Overnight and all morning, from other (former) coworkers, other friends in other hospital systems, I get the information that I need and was legally supposed to be given when he was moved out of CPEP. I understand what 2pc'd means and would adjust my questions accordingly (such as who is the assigned legal advocate?), but I won't bother. I've learned my lessons from ecmc. 

I do not want him just set loose like this was "nothing", I want him to be safe, I want him protected by fmla, I want for him all the care and protections he is entitled to, that he's been paying for, all time-sensitive paperwork out the wazoo. It would be good if he got THERAPY, I'm advocating MORE not less mental health treatment. But that ship sailed. Now that they have him, that's all there is, the fact that they can do whatever the fuck they want and really dig that.

To Ears, I say be patient, we don't want you to to be unsafe, we want the doctor to be honestly comfortable that you are not in danger. You made a noose dude, the diagnosis (now that I know it) ain't wrong, it's just that you need to get outa here to get BETTERbetter cz this place is not built to provide that. So. Keep your area tidy, keep your clothes folded, make sure to shower every day, go to the rec room and watch the stupid football game so that you're not considered antisocial, etc. This isn't forever. He should be himself, an utter sweetheart, nice to everyone. Say you're "feeling better, but it's really more important what the doctor thinks" because he's the expert. Memorize that response. "And be grateful," he adds again. Yes.

I am colder than I have ever been, The Wall to The North 💯

(Who would say to a mom who could have just lost her kid last week and who took him in that she's a neglectful lousy parent? Then yell a detailed rant about his suicide plan as if I didn't know it and we just lived that? I silently let that nurse unload on me. It's the primary who just turned him away, not me. But twatever. I can take it.) 

Ears needs someone they can't just treat like utter shit for asking any question (like, what is his diagnosis? that shouldn't stump ya). So before I call a family meeting, if I must, I have to hire someone to speak for us in their language and who isn't just a piece of shit(ty mother) to them.

It isn't about me. It just continues to kinda smack me in the face that I have spent so much of my life being a mental wellbeing advocate for providers. I am on their fucking side. 

Was.