johnny thunder - I'm alive

YOUR MANTRA FOR 2019 VIRGO: I'm easy to love, and my relationships flow beautifully. I love myself and accept love readily.


I accept that mantra.

modern lovers - pablo picasso

it is a wonderful life - buffalo gals


buffalo girl - chris bathgate (throat sleep)

Called my sister's this afternoon. Xmas was already over, though, only The Butterknife (mom) was there, my father had apparently come and gone already having picked a fight with mom over the time she flirted with the fence guy. But we lived in the woods, we didn't have fences (??) "Oh it was around the pool we put up that one time." Wait, ya mean in Chicago, when I WAS LIKE THREE YEARS OLD? "Yes, well, ya know how he is about me," she says.

The look on my sister's face

VIRGO As it turns out, you're a supernatural being. There's more to you than your past, your present or your future. The day's events will strike a chord in you and you'll feel the truth of your everlasting soul.

Mark? Is that you? What are you still doing in the bardo? It shocks me still that you are dead. But if you are around, you know that. And that I am sorry. So so sorry. I should have at least come. Is it any wonder that I don't want to give any time to anyone anymore? I wish I could talk to you again. You would understand how so many of my actions and inactions now are like marginal notes that read 'here is where you should have stopped / given up / said NO." But what do we know when we are so tenderly young as we were? A child just lives, just does. When we are young, we act and feel without understanding. We don't know yet that we increasingly ensnarl ourselves. And there will come tipping point when our lives are NOW not in the future, we are now living the sum of our choices, which are all in the past and cannot be undone. What of free will then? By midlife, it seems as if there are no more choices to be made except one, to keep living or not. But you didn't even get to choose that.

I pray you were right, I remember you explaining it to me, and how mad Danniel got at you, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? she yelled, right when you said that we would fall after death, fall and keep falling, until we chose to reach out and again embrace life, in blind instinctive faith in it, and whenever that reach came, that moment would determine when and how and to whom and as what we would be reborn. It is all choice, all of life, from before we are born and again afterward, it is all "a matter of perspective".

culture club - time

Do you like me or not?—for example. Whether you do or not depends, in countless instances, on whether I meet you half-way, am willing to assume that you must like me, and show you trust and expectation. The previous faith on my part in your liking’s existence is in such cases what makes your liking come. But if I stand aloof, and refuse to budge an inch until I have objective evidence, until you shall have done something apt … ten to one your liking never comes … In truths dependent on our personal action, then, faith based on desire is certainly a lawful and possibly an indispensable thing. "The Will to Believe", William James

I won't hurt you - west coast

The pursuit of the good life, for the Greeks, was a profoundly personal, emotion-laden, all-consuming quest for a beautiful soul. The beautiful soul was worth sacrificing everything for. Everything! Socrates stands before his neighbors and says the unthinkable—that there is something worse than death: living an ugly, wicked, boring life. This is not the stuff of Kant’s “pure reason.” It’s the stuff of personal vision, insight, and a foolhardy courage to speak the truth. It’s the zest that makes life significant. This is what Emerson found so attractive about Socrates. Socrates believed that the pursuit of the Good was a kind of divine madness. I paged through the Phaedrus and found one of my favorite bits: “The best things we have come from madness, when it is given as a gift of the god...There is no truth to that story that when a lover is available you should give your favors to a man who doesn’t love you instead, because he is in control of himself.."

American Philosophy: A Love Story 

everything is gonna be alright - d murphy

This is a very proud place, rightly.

Holy Cross High, condemned monument

ashanti - foolish

I'll be bold and predict that 2019 will be a nurturing chapter in your story; a time when you will feel loved and supported to a greater degree than usual; a phase when you will be more at home in your body and more at peace with your fate than you have in a long time. I have chosen an appropriate blessing to bestow upon you, written by the poet Claire Wahmanholm. Speak her words as if they were your own. "On Earth I am held, honeysuckled not just by honeysuckle but by everything—marigolds, bog after bog of small sundews, the cold smell of spruce." 

say you wont let go - daniel lang

3hr voodoo walking tour, the priestdude pulled me from the audience to be Voodu Queen for the didactics, "You are all's our mama now, how you keep us safe, our history safe, even if someone sold you away or killed you?"

Fun fact, voodoo dolls are preliterate medical records. The pins just mean stuff like, 'I treated you for a headache last time'. Like this, it's a bunch of writing ways. So, answer: I would be a writer.

the fray - all at once there is no reason this song should be playing where I am right now, over late breakfast in nola

, except this band plays for me from you like a boy in 5th grade pulls the hair of the girl in front of him out of the blue sometimes

"..your sweet body fagrance hits me, do you know that smell is important for falling in love?, there have been studies" ~This Is Not A Love Letter, Kim Purcell

let my baby ride - sune rose wagner

My tarot card says to cut my losses. My horoscope says to bet on a sure thing. I think: the most certain thing is that I will have to cut my losses.

leather dress

amen sister (and great outfit!)




You. Give me small objects of affection by which I will know you. Court me so lightly that I barely notice. So lightly that maybe you are doing it already, touching me with your thoughts. Come on. smib

bonus track: The Ice Queen

Me: mmm a weekend alone, what ya wanna do?
Him: how about absolutely nothing?
Me: I could go grocery shopping..
Him: get it delivered
Me: but then I can't pick out flowers
Him: saves money
Me: truth, and I did just buy that rug..
Him: thanks for the rugs by the way, I love dragging my ass across a new rug!
Me: that looks like it feels pretty good
Him: you should try it!

"nzling sequin pillow"

weekend love horoscope VIRGO

Him: You're so cold, that sportbra gonna hurt your rockhard nips..
Me: Who says I am getting out of this bed?
Him: Works for me!

Only 57% of women share their beds with humans at all, and those would be better off with a dog, finds least surprising study ever.

coughcough awake

Bonus track.

This is so fucked up.

My job has kicked my ass so hard this year. Sick, worn to a nub. I gotta get better. I gotta get more help. Something. I have a degree program for refugees to launch by August. But I can't breath around coughing, can't see around eyes tearing up sneezing, can't figure out what is wrong with the doorbells and several lights, a short somewhere or whatever, I lean against the wall punching it and coughingcoughing and cursing out the loose lightswitch that does nothing.

My last faculty president meeting is Wednesday.  Last time I will be rising to the occasion in front of 150 people, sick in some way. Bleeding or heartbroken or held together with meds. The last haf decade has taken at least a decade off my life the hard way.

This is amazeballs. I ordered from 3 stores, got groceries delivered to the door, never left my bed except to move to the couch. For $10/month, I can get anything delivered from any grocery store anytime - I can have the gallon of pickles from Sams without the Sams part! That is heavenly!

they're the size of my head, $4!

Now it feels like a challenge: how little could I leave the house? What I really need at this point is an antibiotic. Sure enough. I already arranged for hairdid and nails to start coming to me after Jan 1... I am going to take this one one errand at a time until I just no longer run any errands at all.


If only I could press a button and meetings would conduct themselves. Then I could arrange to never see anybody I don't know or don't care for. Less annoying and fewer germs.

think - kaleida

VIRGO
protect ya neck - wu tang clan

Who is taking care of you? This is what you wonder as you spread your care here and there. Don't worry. Someday when you need a hand, it will be there for you. Anyway, it's good to be strong and able. Enjoy that.

kt tunstall - strange sight

weekend love horoscope

Pleasure is a response to the sensations, but it doesn't end there. We get pleasure from not only how something tastes, feels or looks, but also from what we believe about it. We only delight in the things that fit our idea of delight. It can be hard to guess what's going to please another person. The Venus and Mars trine says, "So don't guess... ask!"

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You may give someone you love a little breathing room, but you can't help but check back perpetually, as it seems written in your love clause. "I tried to throw a yo-yo away; it was impossible." — Mitch Hedberg

Ha I remember being introduced to Mitch Hedberg. 'yo-yo" is a great blognickname! That and 'spaghetti', because 1000 mouthfuls of anything is too much

bonus track in honor of the moment of time we are in, the 'tipping point'

VIRGO  You are ardent in your affections. You will express yourself in an open, confident manner and with great warmth and heart. Loved ones will feel lucky to be on the receiving end of your generosity.

🤔skeptical...

boots or hearts - the tragically hip

2008 ft 2018

That Ears could be taken for my boyfriend still cracks me up. I think of them as such kids still. Puppies. The good thing about a diary is you can mark places in time as reference points. A decade ago, I stomped around in the original pair of boots (nocona), we thought about school, we hiked, we goofed around a lot, I was mostly alone except for them (ft a very occasional greek) - it is a remarkable level of consistency despite much upheaval in the middle. I got fatter / grew boobs. They got taller / wiser. We remain.

gareth brook - let go (frou frou)

Jeffery painted my new house this year; Jenn designed the eye that became my tattoo

TJ wants to be the 1st socialist president of the USA

Bossy (my sister) teaching Ears to cook

so he will eat

I took Ears with me to visit my newest nephew. The pup belongs to one of my faculty members, super nice guy in religious studies, moved nearer to me recently for the room to build his mother in law a garden apartment. I like the whole family.  With being "Mother of Humanities" comes aunty rights to new babies, human and canine and feline and hamster and reptile etc. We nzl'd Oliver, he being extremely aloof as puppies go, yawning into my face then falling asleep with the nip of my nose in his mouth. Then the wife asks of Ears, "So you are G's boyfriend?"

hahahahaha

My love life is such a non existent mystery, any guess seems reasonable. Poor Ears. Good thing he has a sense of humor :/