I miss Paris. I mean I miss WORDS in that space, a text box not talking on the phone (ugh) or touching me. And music. A way for me to relate to anyone died when Paris died.

Alone. Quiet. Thinking. I shouldn't have drunk so much in NOLA. But he should have not. I know I started probably. So I felt in control of it. Then again, affirmative consent was not possible. Then again, then again. I did want to kiss him. But. Here is the thing that sticks in my craw: when it was he who was shitfaced once upon a time and allll over me, I tucked him in harmless as a lamb. No bruises. Something in me, in the relative safety of far from home deniability, wanted to test to see if that would go the other way.

Nope.

Men never can pledge allegiance to a womanfriend. Not really.

Can they?

I am thinking about it all. Men. The last months, almost a year now, my trying to Move On. Here is what I have learned: I don't like being backed into corners, pushed or controlled, made to compromise or attend, bullied, bruised, squelched. And I will seek that very thing out in order to lash out at it. I keep pushing it and pushing it, shoving, headbutting. Biting. Like a tick bite. And I have nobody to tell any of this to because my 'partner' is the exact person I could never tell anything that hurts.

(So that is how that feels...)

Yoga

zweat

Week of November 28th, 2019

♍ VIRGO

 (August 23-September 22)

In the follow-up story to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, our heroine uses a magic mirror as a portal into a fantastical land. There she encounters the Red Queen, and soon the two of them are holding hands as they run as fast as they can. Alice notices that despite their great effort, they don't seem to be moving forward. What's happening? The Queen clears up the mystery: In her realm, you must run as hard as possible just to remain in the same spot. Sound familiar, Virgo? I'm wondering whether you've had a similar experience lately. If so, here's my advice: Stop running. Sit back, relax, and allow the world to zoom by you. Yes, you might temporarily fall behind. But in the meantime, you'll get fully recharged. No more than three weeks from now, you'll be so energized that you'll make up for all the lost time—and more.

NA$A-$

Lizzo-truth hurts
A$ et al - WAM
7000 cafe - AlexxBritton
Girl talk - let it out
Father John - I'm writing a novel
Dance monkey - tones and I
Iggy azalea - wanna
Brazilian Girls - don't stop (!)
Missy E - WORK IT and Throw it back
Janet - way love goes  (cool it)
Lana del Rey- doin time

Cool 👿

Play me a song


Yup. I can't do this. I don't think I can do this...

Him: blabla our former student something something American Studies bla
Me: our who?
Him: ex-wife blabla anyway she's in Honolulu at the archives I had no idea blabla so we're having dinner while I'm there
Me: how did you find out she was in the archive? (Weren't you supposed to be going to that archive??)
Him: Facebook. She posted a pic and I thought that's UH archive so I messaged her blablabla
Me: (not listening anymore)

Facebook, the forever home of perpetual scoundrels.

"sweat equity"

War on Drugs - Under the Pressure