full moon 🙏

all the contents are still in plastic, the case itself is pretty cool #slowburn

They told us a LOT about holsters in the class. So many opinions! But those guys don't wear skirts.

VIRGO There's something you're trying to express, heal or understand. 👁 

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Not everyone needs the same kind of love. What feels good to one feels smothering or awkward to another. Your empathy is flexible. You sense what people need, or you ask them so you can love the way they'll actually feel it.

(Consider yourself asked. My witchguess is "loved by my mom" no matter whom I'm askin.) 

wait no more - scott helman

"Couch"

collage in process (5 of Cups reimagined)

you never can tell - elise legrow (chuck berry cover)

The entire little house has become an art therapy project. It took several weeks to nail the sink and dishwasher, not just the plumbing with the usual headaches like where the hell are the shut offs, but the carpentry to retrofit into old wooden cabinets. Almost every day now, we work on something. Today, I went to get another specialty piece of wood, and we got it working! So satisfying, like a puzzle. 

While I was out, I quickly perused the post halloween sales, scoring a crescent moon wreath of black and purple plumage, there is some little plastic spiders and whatnot hidden in there, to which we added Christmas glitter florals. We spread a sheet out on the floor in front of the fire to catch the glitter, cutting and weaving the wires together. Our first Cheektovegas xmas decor, darkly enchanting motif. And we laughed. We laughed so hard, we were all crying dying laughing gasping. You'd be suprised what can break loose like that. When is the last time you giggled madly until you had to catch your breath? If not lately, it might be trapped just beneath the surface. Right there. 

I'm okay. I'm not healed, that takes time, but I am playing my way back to sound of mind and body, at least. Reminding myself why I want to be alive in the first place. Because a lot of things are very funny, for one. And little pleasures are great. 

And now the tables turn a bit. My mother wants to tat worries. I have not found that to be a worthwhile activity much. Unless there is an action step, maybe glitter in it, I DUNNO. It's not that I disagree with her approach, far from it. Most of the time, what people need is someone to listen and to not try to solve anything or do anything at all. I suck not-doing. (And it is less likely to be what I need as well, perhaps.) That's why, for the most part, everybody needs/wants my mom.

("I ain't everybody's cup of tea." lol)

"Be Like That" - Kane Brown with Swae Lee and Khalid

 

I don't need to read my horoscope. I don't need to pull a tarot card. 👁 I can see.

I can see clearly now - bobby mcfarland live, demonstrating what you can do with just your body if you know the words (which I sure do)

And my mother can both hear and listen🦻(if she cares to).

Funny story: She can barely handle listening to music yet. She confessed that Chris Stapleton has sounded to her like 'a big black lady belting something out', and now her brain has to get used to the fact that he is not Mavis Staples. 

how many times - mavis ft the math 

Samhain is like the ok corral of the year, a with-me or against-me type deal. 

Like magic. I restored my mother's hearing. She was stone deaf in one ear, almost deaf in the other, using $50 bullshit hearing boosters from amazon that I could sometimes hear squealing but she couldn't hear shit. My sister is 🤯 over her getting demented, that is what we fought about. My mother's mind is fine, she was selectively increasingly deliberately deaf. She herself wasn't aware of it anymore, it had become her way of life.

I thought, No. These ways of life that cost brain function or that of any other vital appendage can fuck all the way off. 

3 hours with an audiologist and $2k, that's all it took + No, the secret ingredient. Now she is struggling. She really was DEAF this morning, and now she can hear FINE. And she misses being deaf. There is a whole body of scholarship about grieving that loss when it's cured. She has cried over it a couple times today, not sure how to feel. (Welcome back to the land of the living, Ma.)

Like magic. Then I scored the black Italian leather couch. Like a really great bed fucked a hot leather boot and its demi-god child is this couch. (The whole safe thing taught me: ask to buy the display. #workthetariffs)

"things around you are not what you think"

has nothing to do with Halloween and it's some kind of true 👁

It comes across my mind like a memo: Whatever you are taking for granted / as a given / in the bag, don't. 

she is turning dirt years old this year 😒 

strategies for surviving more virgo days

https://www.westherr.com/inventory/used-2024-hyundai-santa-cruz-limited-awd-4d-crew-cab-5ntjeddf9rh103477/ #girltruck

The subaru that I am inheriting is older than my dad said it was by two years and 30k miles, so I've just added another vehicle that's got an expiration date into my driveway w leased jeep. If I can get the car all the way home illegally and in one piece, of course. Thankfully, my brother in law could spend an hour last night pairing its "smart screen" (looks like atari level tech) to sirius x m so I can have cowboys helping me stay vertical for the time being. But what IF, just for shits and giggles, I imagine that THE HORIZON IS LOOKING FOR ME 👀. I think that means living in time that's not just "for the time being" which is the kinda time I have been living in for .... well, a long time now. Though I do appreciate having gobs of any kinda time, which is far better than being out of time, I'm getting a bit impatient with "the time being". 

My mother can live in magic time.  Time that she can create with her mind both future and past. So I'm gonna show her pictures of girl trucks until one materializes in the driveway. If that works, the possibilities might be endless ...

song, hell the whole soundtrack, TBD

I don't pull a card of the day until the end of the day now because

the future is someplace you've never been before even if it's just the day in front of you. So maybe I should look back on the day instead 

feelings did flow that is true

Landing in love and laughter and planning and existentialism, which is where my sister and I always land and find common ground. A truck by the end of this year for me. 💕smib 

When life has handed you yet another existential catastrophe and you've come apart again, you realize, unlike during earlier crises when you thought 'if you got through this one, then it'll be easy street' , that no - this never stops. We learned that this round. Life is a process of catastrophe, constantly stirring the pot just to stir up more Alive Trying. So, you know, do/be you. And that's it, all you can do, and try to laugh as much as possible and eat better, drink more water and do a better job of keeping the house plants alive. 

I'm going to get on this broom soon, it's time to go home.

I love you I'm sorry - Mumford&Sons (gracie abrams cover) 

I love that you can read that song title umpteen ways, all at once. 

And I love the way he sings covers especially, eyes closed then closed-er the deeper he reachs into someone else's feels. Enteric thinking.

what's on, the array of numbing liquids, the recliner 3 ft from the screen in which sits my mother too small to see, all of it - it's apx 8 a.m. here and the dog is still hiding in the crate pretending the day hasn't started yet (wise creature)

"sunrise"

was gonna unblog this but decided it's a poem

"Survive"

survive - louis capaldi new song, I heard today,

another echoing voice from something, 

posted when Huck crossed my mind a few years ago ,

I wonder what was happening then.

Then, I 

bought a gun, the last glock in the case

and bullets ("ammo" they call it, like fodder for an argument), last box

and a safe, 2nd to last one he is holding 

(I love nice to me, it's unsettling) 

"Good feelings are the real value added. Even when something is paid for as a commodity, the gift of relationship is still attached to it." ~The Serviceberry

and new deadlocks installed on every door

and checked in for my flight, upgrading the seat 

(to be left alone)

funny, pulling this particular card means "you are never alone / angels walk with you"