VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You've spent enough time beating yourself up over what didn't happen, about what went sideways, or didn't happen at all. Instead of working through the particular situation and psychology, try this one on for size: Who cares?

my mother

my status: migration to-from-to prep 

Birds migrate. One thing birds don't do is circle the nesting ground that no longer exists. If the habitat dries up, they leave because staying would kill them. They remember it. (Crows remember across generations.) They return if it recovers. But they don't spend deadly winters flying circles over devoid places.

And milkweed seeds don't intend at all, they float-migrate until there is fertile ground (and they are in a landing mood). 

I want to go to wild places. And if I mourn, I want to do it with my pond husband who didn't have many choices in the matter of its damage. Me and my pond husband become companions in that shared condition. He is not "scenery" to me. Nor over.

song tbd - I'm sure Bug will have ideas 

THERE, you know how to get back there, 28N, that's all that really matters. Arrive in any shape, busted or well, prepared or with nothing but Stewarts ice cream for dinner, your pond husbsnd will have your back (to float) no matter what, he always does without fail ...

I want to get back there so bad it's getting harder to stay feeling-nothing-much.

::breathe::

:read:

"As an adult - and this was admittedly on her - she had not seriously considered a life that didn't involve being a tenured professor... It was amazing to her, when she allowed herself to reflect on it, that this vocation, which had meant more to her than anything, was becoming just another thing lost in the era of seemingly infinite decimation...She had never felt more capable of violence than she did now, or as strongly that she needed someone to beat the shit out of her. 'I would advise you not to fixate on either course of action,' her therapist said to her calmly."

My therapist would have laughed. Did laugh, when I said many similar (but muuuuch worse) (and funnier) things. And then suggested that my work did not mean more than anything. It was all mixed up with everything that did mean more than anything. So unraveling was simply a sane response (common sense). 

"Maybe it's time for your LA period. Drink some green juice. Somebody's gotta write that Netflix crap, right?"

"Yeah, for like, five more minutes, before the machines take over."

🤣 This is a library book, and I've written all over it. I'll be out the money that will cost me to report it lost. I've never read this guy before. But he has skewered and roasted me (like almost personally lol) at least once in each of the these characters, all of them. 

"I just really wants something good to happen," Antonio said, "you know, is that too much to ask?"

Could it be enough, maybe, that the world just kept going?

status: migration ft plop

I officially hit it, as I am preparing to leave, the moment when I think 'I need a basement freezer' which = I live here.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). If you can explain a thing simply, you'll understand it better yourself. And if you can condense it to one line, or a good title, even better. Once you know the short version, the rest comes with less effort.

I've gone as far as I care to with "Grit" for now. I know plenty about it every which way of it, and have boldly taken it all kinds of places. 

"Bye" works really well, as a one-word organizing principle. Also done it to death, though. 

I dunno. As someone recently said, I want soft, I am a human, everyone deserves warmth and comfort. And I am human. As much as I seem to be a neutron star that would fit like a pebble in your shoe. 

I gotta gather nostalgia today. Farmers market. Johnny's TODAY before they close for vaca - I'll do that before the market actually. Maybe Charlie the Butcher, a more recent tradition. Granola and chocolate bars for lunch at the top of Wherever. The dip. And I gotta dance a lot, get that out my system. No music there either. Just the night itself, which is full of plenty if you listen.

I get squeezed in now around their family @ Tawista, so it's Wed-Wed, which I like. The littles are booked today so sleepover not til tomorrow. That gives me today as a whole day and night extra to gather things, plan it through, find the packed trailbooks, not be rushed. Methodically turn my inner face towards where I am going next. Reunited with my pond husband ❤️

Gonna get cracking. Song tbd.