my sign is vital, my hands are cold

for virgo: In 2009, you'll receive a lot of help, some unexpected, whenever you phase out your trivial desires so that you can better pursue your truly important desires. The coming months will also be an excellent time to shed unrealistic fantasies so you can be freer to concentrate on the realistic kind. While these are not quite once-in-a lifetime opportunities, Virgo, they may be the once-in-a-decade variety. Why not draw up a plan for how you can take maximum advantage of the specific luck that will be flowing your way?

Jonna Lee: Human (The Killers)

In order to overcome selfishness, it is necessary to be daring . . . We are attracted to our cocoons, our selfishness, and we are afraid of selflessness, stepping beyond ourselves. So in order to overcome our hesitation, some kind of leap is necessary.

In the practice of meditation, the way to be daring, the way to leap, is to disown your thoughts, to step beyond your hope and fear . . . When you let yourself go in that way, you develop trust in the strength of your being and trust in your ability to be open and extend yourself to others.

But then, once you have made a leap of daring, you might become arrogant. You might say to yourself: “Look, I have jumped! I am so great, so fantastic!” But arrogant warriorship does not work. It does nothing. . . The warrior who has accomplished true renunciation is completely naked and raw, without even skin or tissue. He has renounced putting on a new suit of armor or growing a thick skin, so his bone and marrow are exposed to the world. He has no room and no desire to manipulate situations. He is able to be, quite fearlessly, what he is.

At this point, paradoxically, the warrior finds himself more alone. The fullness of his experience is his own, and he must live with his own truth. Yet he is more and more in love with the world. That combination of love affair and lonliness is what enables the warrior to constantly reach out and help others . . . The warrior discovers a greater universe and a fuller and fuller broken heart.

--Chogyam Trungpa, Shambala: The Scared Path of the Warrior

----------------

I almost blew by this, but then listened once more, then again - it's strangely addictive, an old folkgospel lament with a woman's spokenword assessment of the singer's faith overlaid on top of it - by the 10th time I'd listened to it, I lovedloved it:

Fred Eaglesmith - Tinderbox: Worked Up Field [moteldemoka year in indie ablums review for more]

I’m kneeling at the edge of a worked up field praying for the rain to fall

I’m kneeling at the edge of a worked up field praying for the rain to fall

I pray and pray and pray all day

But it don’t rain at all [overlay: he just wants stuff / it's not realistic / passion for trains is nice] ~ Fred Eaglesmith / Worked Up Field ~ "

57. Nine Women Arrested After Oral Sex Competition In July, nine British women were arrested for participating in an oral sex contest on the Greek island of Zakynthos. Each was charged with prostitution, and the male parts of the equation were hit with encouraging obscene behavior. "I didn't realize AWESOME was illegal," . . .

Reflection: Wait a minute, they arrest people in Greece for consensual oral sex?? No wonder the place has been breaking out in riots, everybody's got a headache. [the rest - slapstick slays me, an embarrassing weakness]

(horoscope)FORECAST FOR THE WEEK AHEAD: Is it possible to be extremely moderate? As any jumbo shrimp lover can attest, just because it’s an oxymoron doesn’t make it a bad idea. The preponderance of Capricorn energy suggests that excessively temperate behavior will lead to (whatthehellever I'm not even gonna finish reading that)

Eddie Vedder & Nusrat Fateh Ali Kahn - The long road [one of my new years resolutions: never post any song that falls below the high rec line]

update: the weather here is sublime, 70 mph wind gusts blowing the power out off-n-on but also blowing wet air in off Lake Ontario and I'm watching it out my front window and it looks like I'm at the top of the world where sky and earth are on top of each other . . . if only my car weren't trapped inside my garage w the opener going weirdo-reset-No-somethingsomething, hmmmm

dhyaanaynaatmani pashyanti kaychidaatmaanama atmanaa

Took 3 days going in snowed-in-airport circles to get there, and thus all that effort was for one single day - but what I wanted for xmas (snow or no snow, 600 miles or not) was her "AHTY GINAH!!", and I got it as she danced on her toes to get picked up. (It's been almost exactly a year since Doug's passing too, btw. For xmas G'ma wanted my "GRANDMA!!", and she got it.)

say my name cuddletantra playlist:
eels-jelly dancers [weirdly groovy]
DJ Shadow - Fixed Income (Remix)

J.J. Cale - Cherry

Caetano Veloso - Maria Bethania

Jeff Bennett’s Lounge Experience - Dreams

thievery corp (w sue jorge) - hare krisna [my pick]

give me things that don't get lost

lizz wright - old man (neil young) [my pick,lovelovethis]
runners up, all superduperhigh rec, so merry xmas:
The Be Good Tanyas: When Doves Cry (Prince)
adele - melt my heart to stone kickdrums remix
Joan Osborne: The Weight (ccr)
clem snide - a ballad of bitter honey
Mark Kozelek: Up To My Neck In You (AC/DC)
The Lucksmiths - A Sobering Thought just when one was needed la la la
brent amaker and the rodeo - girls are good for lots of things

joni mitchell - river
lex land - river (joni mitchell cover)

for Virgo: "My deepest emotional wound has also been the source of inexhaustible blessings." I'm not going to tell you why that statement is true for me -- it's way too personal -- but I assure you that it's one of the fundamental facts about my destiny. Could you make a similar assertion, Virgo? Is it possible to interpret your life in such a way that you could see how a painful experience you suffered in the past has also given you tremendous insight, inspiration, and vitality? Two thousand nine will be an excellent year to make that leap of understanding. And the time around the solstice -- right now! -- is a perfect moment to get started.

It’s winter solstice today, at 5:25 eastern time to be specific. Spells you cast tonight will begin something new that will be bud out in the spring and flower this coming summer, so they say. What do you want to start? Think hard and pick a single word for it. Write that on a piece of paper, light the paper with the flame of a candle and let it burn down in a metal bowl or pot and then scatter the ashes to the wind while you let the candle burn the rest of the night. [Enjoy the company of friends (if you have any), and eat some chickpeas.]

The Maniacs - Heart of Gold


I got Ears a baby electric guitar for xmas from TonyPetrocelli (one word), ie Lewiston Music Guy (LMG), complete w amplifier etc etc and forthcoming lessons. Priest-musicians are a double whammy, but from a maternal point of view I can’t think of many turn-outs that would make me happier. Every time I see LMG, clearly very grounded on his Mt Aloof, it strikes me again how useful it is in a human life to have foundational alter-identities. That way when you get to those (inevitable) moments when you think “if I have to live this life this way one more day I’m going to blow my damn head off using my toe and a rocket launcher” you can quit whatever that life is/was and still have one within yourself, a talent in the shape of a person you can always retreat to and be. I’m tempting Ears to build such a one within himself, using “Guitar Hero” as the lure.

"Awake My Soul," Mumford & Sons

my Xmas karma: my roof is kinda caving in under the weight of so much snow, leaking all over the place through my woodbeam ceiling; at the brink of despair, I’m shoveling the driveway after shoveling the roof (for 2 solid hours) when a stranger pulls up in a truck and plows me out totally, “merry xmas” then drives off; I lost $100, just fell outa my bag who knows where; I got a letter in the mail today from Nun telling me that she’s “adjusting my income” up 4% because I’m underpaid, “merry xmas“; I’m outa food and drinking my last glass of wine; so I’m hoping any minute now some priest dude will show up on snow shoes outa the blizzard with a 6-pack and a pizza . . . .


watson twins - sky open up

gumby dharma



(ok but gumby is wayy dulll, no? snowed in watching gumby on youtube is kinda lite torture. TJ says, after about half a dozen episodes on my laptop with the covers of my bed all tucked around him, "this isn't terrible but it's very cliche". he meant gumby, but ya)



meanwhile, I'm still juicing the national optimism fruit, but someone should tell the new prez that his inclusion-mojo can safely stop short of culture-war assholes >:/

the blind boys of alabama w/ solomon burke - i pray on christmas
kay starr - i've got my love to keep me warm (stuhr remix) love this
the staple singers - who took the merry out of christmas?
james brown - santa claus go straight to the ghetto
the weepies - all that i want (repost)
clarence carter - back door santa
keb mo - jingle bell jamboree
pearl jam - santa god
stephen colbert & elvis costello - there are much worse things to believe in
aretha franklin - joy to the world (she's so hot)
half man half biscuit - it's cliched to be cynical at christmas
emmylou harris - light of the stable
black lips - christmas in baghdad
okkervil river - listening to otis redding at home during christmas
antsy mcclain - she's underneath the mistletoe again
belle & sebastian - are you coming over for christmas?

debrief v.2 [4 a.m. meditation episode 1] - I’m camping out at the top of Maslow’s hierarchy, surrounded by the elements of wellness. But one thing: I feel unable to save my soul from the dark-matter shape of a perpetual absence, a Negative Space in his shape that is here sleeping next to me, having mass made of “No”.

IPG (Intense Priest Guy) is sitting there in his dhoti, picking at the toes of his sweat socks. He’s completely absorbed in what he’s talking about. The most attractive woman (a perfectly quaffed ‘I glow from within’ brunette, who was flirting with him the night before and of whom he said in response ‘I bet you’re Russian’) in the room asks, “What do Hindus think about dinosaurs?“ We’ve already discussed that the mind and body aren’t real, so on his unreal face some unreal annoyance passes like the back of a whale and then submerges behind his unreal effort to imagine what the hell dinosaurs might have to do with anything. He says “no no that’s a good question” but it’s just that he’s only qualified to explain the TEXT, not to apply it to paleontology which is simply not his AREA; No hard feelings.

In this vignette, I see the shape of my problem. I’m attracted to priests [and nuns, come to think of it], to men for whom what is internal to them is much more present than I could ever be. And I attract priests [and nuns], I’m not sure why/how. One thing leads to another, I say “can I ask a question?“ and he replies “you're not my area [ft. fuck you]” (passive or active aggression). IPG mentioned a daughter, has a tattoo on his ring finger so some kind of mate . . . Believe it or not, I almost asked him. I mean, after the dinosaur thing how could I do worse? I almost asked him, “How do you and yours communicate across the divide of matter and anti-matter?” But I didn’t have the guts.

The Priestess And The Fool - Baby, It's Cold Outside - this is awesome, horns at 3:39

om namoh bhagavate vasudevaya

seminar debrief : What you're trying to accomplish when meditating is seeing everything from your soul’s point of view rather than from that of your mind-body. If you believe in the spiritual framework, then yoga/meditation automatically improves your karma and increases the chance of an auspicious rebirth (into a family of yogis, or to put it more bluntly “into a family that promotes rather than impedes your progress toward Enlightenment”). If you don’t believe/invest in the spiritual framework, well then you just get better health. There's no downside so you can’t 'fail' at meditating and thus you can’t fail in any one episode of attempting to do so, even episode after episode.

Ok, so first of all. Imagine your soul is at the center and around it is your mind/body like a jewelcase. Your immediate goal in meditating (and in the other methods of yoga, such as intense study like the gita line-by-line for instance) is to make little impressions/dents/holes in that case called samscaras. Through these holes, the soul can See better. Without samscara, your mind/body will entomb your soul and in total ignorance it will be trapped, suffering your stupidity (in this life and the next ones ad infinitum) – so the point of meditating is the same as living an examined life, basically. BaleD, in another context of discussion altogether, described this as reverse-blinking. You feel like your eyes are open all the time, but they’re not really. Occasionally they will open and you’ll be like HOLY SHIT I SEE CLEARLY for a second, then they close again. That second of clarity is a samscara.

When we got to the Bhakti part of the text (meditating all the time on God), Intense Guy got into the methodology a little as he’s a Bhakti-Yogi: Always meditate in the same place, so that place has no other associations – i.e. manage the phychic secretion(s) factor of your surroundings . You’re supposed to look at your nose so you can't look at anything else. He confessed that he doesn’t do that and most people don’t because crossing your eyes non-stop is very uncomfortable – I wanted to ask what he does look at, since he said that closing your eyes will make you sleepy and that’s not good, but I didn’t have the guts (aside: bc of course I was crushed out on him by this time even though I was trying to overcome my doglike-tailwagging-at-the-priest instincts, especially as I was sitting next to the French yogi for whom celibacy was only ever a metaphorical concept obviously, but to no avail and when Intense Priest Guy told the story of Indra's curse and self-consciously said the word 'vagina' like 'vagina' I was a goner and thus struck dumb [selfannoyedsigh, say la vee]). So if you get sleepy w your eyes closed, try a blank wall I guess. Sit w your spine like a rod and your ass like the base of that lightening conductor a few inches off the ground and your legs on the ground in front of you, like this

Concentrate on a mantra (you’re supposed to get this from your guru but if you don’t have one then use a generic) because it is impossible to truly empty the mind and thus you give it one single thing to hold itself up with and then it can find the power over time to empty of itself of everything else – you can chant it, or repeat it internally (or beginners can listen to one w/ headphones, which is what I'm doing). And if at all possible, meditate first thing in the morning rather than at night because during the day the mind fills with shit and thus it’s harder for it to empty – 4 a.m. is the most auspicious hour from some astrological-spiritual point of view that is still unclear to me. (But if you're French, 11 a.m. is early enough fyi.)

here's an om [link removed]

for VIRGO : Your nervous system has been delicate and physical exertion takes the edge off. Recreation is important and you’ll have playful company to join you in your favorite activities. [ha - yeah virgo strikes again w her idea of a good time, so everybody sit and think some shit about your soul! woohoo!]

Just like dodgeball only reversed. When I was a little girl, I fantasized endlessly of the day that the dodgeballers might become the dodgeballees, and the bullies and 'popular people' would be pelted to death with those red gym balls.

for virgo today: VIRGO When you apply yourself to a job, even one that exceeds your known ability, it somehow always gets done. Remember your past successes and go forward. You are a channel for powers beyond your own.

I'm taking a seminar on the bhagava gita so I can manifest some yogini truth consciousness. This guy in person is pretty hot -INTENSE. Which is weirdly consistent, that these dawgs who are deep into The Big Chill(s) are as;ldkgja;dlkgja;dsl kinda nerve wrackingly stimulating almost (because I'm vata [the yogini personality type equivalent of hysteric] so I don't have any phlegm [which sounds good, but no actually] so nearly every/anything could make me bonkerinos unless in small well-cooked doses). (And these yogis don't come in small doses, seems like.)

What's your dosha (test)?

. . . driving through snow, as I had done for a total of 200 miles today, in a kind of lite trance as I had been from the monotony, something was happening around me that I hadn’t been paying direct attention to and as soon as I noticed it, I looked in front of me and there was a tornado wall, it was forming around me, and in front of me was the western wall of it and I saw (for just a second) a patch of clear brilliant blue sky (what is always right behind such a wall, almost unimaginably but it’s right there) and then it was closed over by that wall - I watched the wall go up and right and then it was too big to see the shape of as it went deosil and then behind me, and I was at the eye of that storm as at the edges it started to rip into the air all that it was touching. I closed my eyes in the dream and took my foot off the gas and felt myself come to a stop just as I also felt the car moving as maybe through the air but I didn’t look I just prayed, please please I want to be with my children please if I have to die send me directly to them and I started to list the people I love but knew there might not be time to make the list so I prayed myself into the list and myself/list written onto the wall of the storm directly with everything I could bring to the prayer against the wall of panic in my gut rising to meet the storm. I opened my eyes in the dream and I hadn’t moved - all around me cars and trees whatnot were every which way (though nobody seemed hurt, no injuries/wailing etc) in a perfect circle surprisingly small bc I could also see beyond that circle where the strip malls were untouched, as if the tornado at its eye had been almost exactly the size I could look at, say while driving . . . . Looking up at the sky to see if it was blue was the same thing as waking up, which I did with my heart pounding in my throat so hard that it was behind my face.

I don’t dream all that much. I mean, I remember the salamanders cz it’s not every day I have a dream. And never like that. Ummm (still shakey, holy fuck man), welp:

The individual and collective problems and dilemmas we face at the end of the 20th century are all, in a very real way, the consequence of incomplete (still evolving) conscious awareness. I am increasingly convinced that it is the huge disparity between our immensely sophisticated knowledge about how to manipulate the physical world, (skills which we inevitably try to use to satisfy the incoherent jumble of our less-than-conscious desires), in contrast with our almost total lack of reliable self-knowledge about the deeper structures of our interior lives, which is the main cause of the terrible situation(s) we find ourselves in at this perilous historical moment.
In the dream world, "wind & water" have been archetypal symbols of spirit ("which bloweth where it listeth") and emotion, (which "runs deep", even when it's still) for thousands (if not millions) of years. In the waking world, peoples from all over the planet share stories where the "voice of the God(s)" "speaks from out of the whirlwind". Non-technological peoples, (including the vast majority our own ancestors, back to the Old Stone Age an beyond), have viewed the "tornado" as "the finger of God", which points with precision and unparalleled power to the psycho-spiritual mysteries of guilt and hidden meaning. Like the imagined "Hand of God", the tornado demonstrates breath taking power, and leaves one life relatively untouched, while the life standing directly next to it is totally torn and shattered forever.
Each time we dream of "tornadoes", these ancient, collective layers of symbolic association reveal themselves anew. Each "dream tornado" is, at some level, a harbinger of change, in the psyche as well as the waking world. Although only the dreamer can say for sure what his or her dream images mean, dream "tornadoes" are compelling metaphors of the individual and collective social change that we "feel", (that we know in our secret heart of hearts), is necessary , and is coming. We intuit, as dreamers, that ultimately the "power of this impending storm" is not just a consequence of incomplete human consciousness and planning failure alone. The forces of change are also "forces of nature" - "divine forces", like nature herself. The dream "tornado", over and over again, turns out to be symbol of the dreamer's own personal relationship to the deepest unasked and unanswered psycho-spiritual questions is his/her life, and these issues always have transpersonal implications as well.
Of course, these inevitable, unconscious, archetypal associations echo back "out" of the dream world into our perception of the changes in the global weather patterns that are the other main inspiration for these dreams. No matter what we think and believe consciously, our nagging fear that these "earth changes" are a "punishment" is an inevitable reflection of our realization that we are misusing the divine gift of increasingly conscious self awareness. This "theological" belief creeps into the emotional tone and rhetoric of our debates over controlling ozone-depleting emissions, and the destruction of planetary bio-diversity in the service of short-term economic gain. We know, from the same deep, unconscious place that the dreams come from, that these global, political, economic, ecological issues are ultimately "spiritual" - that these issues both shape and reflect our deepest relationships with the most important meanings of our individual and collective lives, (a situation which our ancestors have always equated with our relationship to "God" and "the Divine"...)
When such tornado dreams are remembered, it means that the dreamers are, in fact, equal to the psycho-spiritual tasks of increasing self-awareness and self-acceptance that the unknown frightening future demands, whether they feel or believe they are equal to these tasks, or not. ALL dreams come in the service of health & wholeness, and that means that NO dream, (even the dream of the 'terrifying tornado"), ever comes to say: "Nyeah, nyeah, nyeah - you have these problems and you can't do anything about them...!"
To have and remember such a dream is an invitation to the individual dreamer to search even more deeply within for the creative energies that are given shape in the "dream tornado" itself, for this image is, at another important level, a spontaneous symbolic meditation on the divine, as-yet unknown, unconscious creative energy that resides within each evolving human psyche.The dream tornado is an indication of the as-yet-unused-and only-intuited power of our own human ability to grow and change and evolve - the creative ability to change both ourselves and our planet in the process of our development. As long as such dreams continue to be remembered, there is every reason to believe that we can and will grow beyond even these "earth shaking" problems that our incomplete sorcerer's apprenticeship in consciousness itself have created. At this level, the "dream tornadoes" are a manifestation of that archetypal creative energy bubbling up in the collective psyche, asking for morally responsible creative expression in waking life.

for virgo this week: After meditating on how best to energize your love life, I decided to direct you to this passage from John Welwood's book Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships: Healing the Wound of the Heart: "Everyone knows perfect love in their heart, for the human heart is a direct channel through which absolute love pours into this world. At the same time, human relationships are imperfect expressions of that love. This creates a painful gap between the perfect love we know in our hearts and the imperfect, incomplete ways it is expressed in our relationships. When we imagine that relative human love should be something it is not -- absolutely unconditional -- we suffer disappointment and wind up distrusting love itself. We also hold grievances against others for not loving us rightly or against ourselves for not having won that love. This gives rise to a universal human wound -- the sense of not feeling loved for who we are."

Mark Erelli w Jeffrey Foucault: Alright For Now (Tom Petty)

Norah Jones - Be here to love me (townes van zandt)

sara lov - my body is a cage (arcade fire)

i've had it to here being where love's a small word

chris bathgate - buffalo girl
crooked fingers - solitary man (neil diamond)
jennifer o'connor - a place in the sun (stevie wonder)
beth orton - wild world (cat stevens)
lex land - as much as you lead

been waiting for tomorrow all my life

Jacking the air conditioner and standing in front of it is one response to global warming, a response that solves the problem only for one person and only temporarily while it makes the underlying PROBLEM worse. What kind of a solution makes a problem worse? (Answer: A retarded one.) I mean, if you’re gonna DIE of the heat . . . But otherwise . . . . Retarded.

I believe that the planet is in the shape it is as a symptom of a single problem: people treat people (including themselves) like shit. We’re careless, short sighted, and gratuitously destructive of one another. We mistake pleasure for happiness and grab at immediate gratification instead of the more difficult process of investing in people, spiting our own contentment like hell. We throw each other away and ourselves away as if there’s an infinite supply of both. We say mean things, do mean things, and make ourselves feel powerful by putting other people asunder. Making someone else feel like shit is analogous to having dominion over them, and like baby goats we take other people to the alter of Ourselves and bleed them dry of their feeling for us. Sometimes the environment of this has made me literally sick. And then I thought I was going to die unless I got inside myself where it was cooler, where I could breathe.

This last weekend was the Buddha’s birthday - lots of meditation centers and yoga studios offering all-day sanctuary. I meditated on Unattachment. I can’t manage it because it is not at all the same thing as indifference. Indifference I can do, no problemo - just toggle the Prideful-Wrath mode and then you can go fuck yourself for all I care. Unattachment, on the other hand, is loving others without specific expectations of what you’re going to get out of that, including even the other person’s very existence - you look at others like “you are going to die (any second in the big scheme of things) so there’s no time to waste on anything but appreciating you as wholly as possible in this very moment, moment by moment to infinity”. Indifference by comparison is the equivalent of jacking the air conditioner and standing near it, a prisoner to the relief it provides. I’m trying really hard to not confuse the two, and to cultivate Unattachment . . . But honestly it’d be a lot easier if people would lay off spewing their dioxide producing cold air every which way, i.e. often in my fuckin’ face.

It’s Eid Ul-Adha today, which translates into something like “though it may seem like terrible sacrifice at first, the obedience to Love results in persons NOT getting their throats slit actually”. Go figure. I’m secularizing the concept and suggesting “International Try to Be Less of a Mindless Self-Centered Asshole Day”. I think that’s a great idea, while I’m unattached to its catching on I spose.

Will.I.Am - It’s a New Day super high rec - this is a fantastic song - and here's the video:

an angel will be with you shortly

Feist - Please Be Patient

Got slapped down so mean that I can’t seem to get back up. I keep trying but the ground has gone to ice slick permafrost beneath me in every direction. I just slip on it in my mind, falling down again and again with painful thuds until I’m going to break if I keep trying to stand. So I’ll lay here and maybe someone will find me. Or maybe I’ll drift off in the numb and fade to white blank as I blend in with the bitter cold, an inert thing amidst the frozen landscape, too small for a speed bump.

"Freedom," Jurassic 5

"Blower's Daughter (Damien Rice cover)," Amy Kuney

The Lanyard
Billy Collins

The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxyred and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room, lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.

Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.
Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.

And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth
that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand, I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

from Belief and Technique for Modern Prose Jack Kerouac, thirty essentials:

Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for your own joy
Submissive to everything, open, listening
Try never get drunk outside your own house
Be in love with your life
Something that you feel will find its own form
Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind
Blow as deep as you want to blow
Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind
The unspeakable visions of the individual
No time for poetry but exactly what is
Visionary tics shivering in the chest
In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you
Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition
Like Proust be an old teahead of time
Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog
The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
Write in recollection and amazement for yrself
Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea
Accept loss forever
Believe in the holy contour of life
Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind
Don't think of words when you stop but to see picture better
Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning
No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it
Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form
In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness
Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better
You're a Genius all the time
"Compared to What," Gow Dow Experience

and fyi, the moon entered Virgo today, sooo if you've got a closet to clean now's the time: The Virgo moon nudges us to get it together in terms of health. It’s not just about fitness or nutrition, though; it’s about harmonizing our body, mind and spirit. Improvements in any one area will favorably affect the others. Instead of resolving to make a big change, take action in some small way. Efforts of any size are rewarded. Virgo knows how to show ya a good time, huh?

during, v.1

Hey remember [that post about] the Westside garden walk? The story that was being taped that day finally aired. Listen here. I love the part mid-story when the plot turns, and his neighbors stop thinking he's crazy hahahahah - didn't I say that very same thing about that very day?

nonattachment:[the arrow appears ominous]

what I'm listening to: susan tedeschi - can't sleep at night

"Ain't No Sunshine," Lyn Collins

bonus:Girls In Hawaii - Out On The Weekend (Neil Young)

for virgo: While the planets are advising other signs to play the ‘wait and see’ game, you’re being advised to initiate an overdue heart-to- heart. It’s definitely a day to clear the air. Perhaps you’re not the only one who has something to say. What you hear may surprise you, but in a positive way! [huh . . .

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Meanwhile, I'm still reading about meditation. Check it out: "Well, meditation is like sex - what you bring to it is what you get! In fact, the meditative traditions suggest that your motivation determines the outcome of your practice as much as the technique you use or the time you spend . . . Take sex, for example. If you do it out of lust or boredom or fear, your sexual pleasure will be permeated by the flavor of the feeling that motivated you. But if you have sex as a heartfelt expression of love for your partner, you may move in the same way, touch the same places, use the same techniques - but you'll have an exponentially different experience." See? It's supposed to feel entirely sensual technically speaking, so it's just the FRETFUL part that's my problem.

Actually, via yoga meditation I really do all but one thing on the 'How to live in Harmony with Your Meditation' list already: I can't manage nonattachment. Failing at that one thing is A Big Problem even though I'm down with all the other aspects. (So guess that's what I'm working on, eh?) In this book I'm reading now, there's a meditation for imagining all the people you love as dying tomorrow and it's supposed to lead you to appreciating them in the present - it nearly gave me a heart attack. I made it through the one where I'm dying tomorrow, but the other, oh nooooooooooooo waaaaaaaaaaaaaay. It just made me want to drink beer. In fact, I'm gonna look at some puppy porn right now in weepy recoil from that attempt to theoretically unattach. (Smedley is super cute.)

It's f'd up that I think this is hilarious, right? I mean, um, around 1:56 when the guy is kinda starting to plunger the bird w/ the backward glance grin hahahaha . . . and then at 3:00 "I'll be in charge of the turkey!" omgLOL

self help reading + music

what I'm listening to: cnsy- helplessly hoping her harlequin hovers near by awaiting a word

one that is present: as a: the actual person or thing that is present b: something present of a visible or concrete nature > 6: something (as a spirit) felt or believed to be present . . . presence information is a status indicator that conveys ability and willingness of a potential communication partner - for example a user to communicate . . . . Presence is highly sensitive information and in non-trivial systems a presentity may define limits to which its presence information may be revealed to different watchers . . .

for virgo today: Thanks to a couple of positive influences romance is looking favorable today, but only if you manage to overcome your natural shyness to say hello to someone. Make sure that you’re looking your best and wearing your favorite scent. Little details like this will help boost your flagging confidence! [I should have stopped reading at 'only if']

before

self help reading + music

In classical mechanics, momentum (pl. momenta; SI unit kg·m/s, or, equivalently, N·s) is the product of the mass and velocity of an object (p = mv). For more accurate measures of momentum, see the section "modern definitions of momentum" on this page. It is sometimes referred to as linear momentum to distinguish it from the related subject of angular momentum. Linear momentum is a vector quantity, since it has a direction as well as a magnitude. Angular momentum is a pseudovector quantity because it gains an additional sign flip under an improper rotation. The total momentum of any group of objects remains the same unless outside forces act on the objects (law of conservation of momentum).
Momentum is a conserved quantity, meaning that the total momentum of any closed system (one not affected by external forces) cannot change.

dj Cheb i Sabbahs remix - hari om shiva om

tracy chapman - thinking of you

for virgo: Your confidence is high. You’re not even sure what it will take you to move forward, but you’re absolutely sure that whatever it is, you have it, or you’ll find a way to come up with it.

this is pretty awesome, imogen heap 'just for now' a cappella:

God left the ground to circle the world.

Then there he was, coming along the line outside just getting into the building after going to the Knox looking at the pavement, and he was not 10 ft from me and I saw him and he was (in addition to all other perfections) about 5ft 8" (dead level, basically, manwise) and he caught my eye for a split second over the shoulder of a person I was with looking at me, and he tucked his hair behind his ear - and although I am happy enough that I did not, I could have also happily expired right there on the spot. (But then I'd have missed the show.)



I'm verrrrrrry rarely like this, but when I am then I am. In love.

In case you missed it, try again tomorrow.

taurus moon thru backyard canopy 11-12-08

cat power - to be a good woman

Then spoke the poor dead thistle,
"But I, how shall I dance?"
Let your heart fly to the wind
We said.

Then God spoke from above,
"How shall I descend from the blue?"

For Those Who Do Not Dance - Gabriela Mistral

THE FULL TAURUS MOON: It has arrived in all its round glory, ready to deliver on all promises. Taurus, the bull, is the ruler of appetite. It’s not a coincidence that the Taurus full moon falls around Thanksgiving. The most basic meaning of the word “appetite” pertains to the desire for food or drink. The bounty of the harvest season is served up to great effect during this time, as Taurus is always sure to present things in a sensually stirring light. The mouth starts to water just thinking about it! And now it’s also time to think about your appetites that go beyond the meal. What is it that you crave out of life? What glowing prize makes the struggle worthwhile to you? Taurus energy is strongly determined and will aid in the attainment of any goal. Taurus teaches us that there is great power in being still and getting focused. Think of the calm, massive, seemingly immobile bull standing in the pasture. His mind seems blank, and that is the key. The same creature is capable of running at top speed with immense power to spear any obstacle in the way of his target. Empty your mind and gather your power.

Islands in The Stream by The Constantines and Feist[at soundlab in bflo dec 4, fyi, just as wilco will be in rochester . . . ]

for virgo this week: For many people, 10:30 a.m. is the single best time of day to come up with fresh insights and new ideas. But that won't exactly be true for you in the coming week. I mean, 10:30 will be a time when you're likely to be really smart, but then so will 11:30, 1:05, 2:37, 3:46, and 4:20. For that matter, 6:35 may also bring a gush of high intelligence, as well as 7:27, 8:19, and the last ten minutes before bedtime. What I'm trying to tell you, Virgo, is that you're in a phase when being brilliant should come pretty naturally. [perfect timing]

We love life if we find a way to it.
And we plant, where we settle, some fast growing plants, and harvest the dead.

--Mahmoud Darwish
(translated from the Arabic by Fady Joudah)

jadoo - tantric body reprise

I'm trying to learn "grounding meditation" for which I've been counseled to seek the aid of music, especially patterned music, bells on repeat whatever . . . I dunno, either this stuff just makes me horny [aside: 'horny' is a stupid sounding word], or meditating just makes me horny, or when I meditate I notice more that I'm horny or something like that, then eventually I'm just irritable and overtired. Is that 'grounded'? I dunno that I've ever been 'grounded', except earth-sign-wise, so maybe it feels like you're tied to the ground with ropes of fretful horniness . . . that'd be just my luck . . .

self help reading + music

djfree&lewis - chakra rhythm (you're welcome) (especially the mixed lyre? that starts up apx 5:15) - if you hold still and do nothing but listen to this once through, your heart rate slows 10 beats per minute. it's 10 min long

extollo : to praise exaggerate / decorate, adorn. extollo : to lift up, raise up, erect / elevate, exalt. extorqueo : to twist, wrench, dislocate / extort by force. extra : (prep. + acc.) beyond, outside. extremus : outermost, last, extreme. exturbo : to drive away, thrust out. exulto : to exult, be joyful. exuro, exussum : burn down, burn, set on fire. exustio : burning up, conflagration.
Ffabula : fable, story, tale, play. facile : easily. facilis : easy, agreeable, affable, pleasant. facillimus : easiest, most agreeable, pleasantest facina -oris : bad deed, crime, villainy / deed, action. facio : to sacrifice, suit, help, be of service. facio : to give permission / to experience, suffer (troubles). facio : (trans.) to make, do, act, perform, cause, bring about. factum : deed, accomplishment, work, act, achievement. facultas : power, means, opportunity, capacity, ability, stock. facundia : facultas : feasibility, opportunity, resources, abundance. facunditas : fertility, quickness or readiness of speech. faenum fenum : hay. falsus : false, deceptive. fama : talk, report, rumor, tradition. familia : family, household. familiaris : belonging to a household / friendly, intimate. famulatus : servitude, slavery, service. famulus : servant. fas est :: it is right, it is fitting, it is lawful. fas : divine law or command / fate, destiny Infinity (symbolically represented with ∞) comes from the Latin infinitas or "unboundedness." It refers to several distinct concepts – usually linked to the idea of "without end" – which arise in philosophy, mathematics, and theology.
In mathematics, "infinity" is often used in contexts where it is treated as if it were a number (i.e., it counts or measures things: "an infinite number of terms") but it is a different type of "number" from the real numbers. The precise origin of the infinity symbol, , is unclear. One possibility is suggested by the name it is sometimes called—the lemniscate, from the Latin lemniscus, meaning "ribbon". Another theory implies that its origin derives from the respective paganistic symbol, which is supposed to symbolise the total of numbers; its shape is said to represent the repetition.
It is also possible that it is inspired by older religious/alchemical symbolism. For instance, it has been found in Tibetan rock carvings, and the ouroboros, or infinity snake, is often depicted in this shape.
John Wallis is usually credited with introducing as a symbol for infinity in 1655 in his De sectionibus conicis. One conjecture about why he chose this symbol is that he derived it from a Roman numeral for 1000 that was in turn derived from the Etruscan numeral for 1000, which looked somewhat like CIƆ and was sometimes used to mean "many." Another conjecture is that he derived it from the Greek letter ω (omega), the last letter in the Greek alphabet.[3]
Another popular belief is that the infinity symbol is a clear depiction of the hourglass turned 90°. Obviously, this action would cause the hourglass to take infinite time to empty thus presenting a tangible example of infinity. The invention of the hourglass predates the existence of the infinity symbol allowing this theory to be plausible.

chinmaya dunster - purnima namashkar (crown chakra, or thousand-petalled lotus)

about 10 days's difference in the backyard autumn canopy

keb mo - america the beautiful

I take it to heart: change one material thing and everything changes incrementally but inexorably from there. Just one thing does it, because that is the law of physics, the law of Everything.

what I'm listinging to:
Wilco- Please Be Patient With Me mmmmmnnzgl

"I cannot reconcile myself with things, were each moment to wrest itself out of time to give me a kiss."--E.M. Cioran, The Trouble With Being Born

[If each moment were to wrest itself out of time to give me a kiss, I'd be fine. I could make ears toes whatever and be perfectly happy.]

hornsome playlist:

Lonesome Lover Blues Kenny Dorham, trumpet, vocals; Jimmy Heath, tenor sax, baritone sax; Walter Bishop Jr., piano; Percy Heath, bass; Kenny Clarke, drums

Todd Snider w/ Patty Griffin: Fortunate Son (harmonica) - if you want to download the tracks of the album, you have to go to the site and get em for free - "Ponce of the Flaming Peace Queer" is worth the form-fill-out annoyance (to me)

Tuatara - The Streets Of New Delhi greeky, ie spastic around the edges, but good

Girlyman, My Sweet Lord (orig. George Harrison) [no horns, but I love this]

in the afterlife, you could be headed for serious strife

(for your halloween mixes)
nick cave and the bad seeds - red right hand
bonus: squirrel nut zippers - hell la la la, high rec - great horns

Elizabeth Mitchell, Goin' Down The Road - lovely Grateful Dead cover, high rec [and merle saunders died]

where can you find a legless dog?
where?
wherever you left him! [gigglegiggle]

this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Devil's_Hole) happened down the street, on 3rd over the fence at the bend in the road

Lucy Michelle and the Velvet Lapelles “Don’t Think Twice It’s All Right”

Mulling: [maybe] I'm gonna start a new blog, and I'm going to call it The Asshole Planet; its intended audience will be persons to whom I often have Nothing to say - I could even have co-contributers, people who also have Nothing to say to any number of people . . .

beck - paper tiger

Update - I remembered that I forgot to include a shot of the tree that'll be the main support post as you walk in the door of the bale house and supporting the upper loft. It reminded me of something, though I couldn't say what. The second shot is the Christ at the Fatima Shrine (from previous photo shoot), which is also in a prone position. I'm just struck by the heft of symbolism any stripped tree evokes ya know?

It's getting cold and wet outside. So of course it's time to plaster a bale house! Ya can't get bale street cred if you don't freeze your joints nearly to cracking, after all. I gotta figure out how to get a wide enough angle on this puppy to get the whole into one shot. But just the fact that I can't easily do so deomonstrates the difference in scale between this one and the one from last year.

[that's Bale-D and the owner, Carrie, whose new digs are comforting her for the loss of her 2 Familiars]

[my fave shot, what will be the view left-askance off the sun porch]

for virgo: "If you could ask everyone you met one question, what would it be?" A reader named Ty Sassaman emailed me with that query. As I thought about what my response would be, I considered questions like "What's the one thing you most want to accomplish before you die many years from now?" or "What could you do to bring more intelligence into the way you love?" But ultimately I decided on "What is your soul's code?" How about you, Virgo? What would be your prime question? I suggest that in the coming days you ask it of everyone you encounter. You're in a phase in your astrological cycle when focused curiosity is a kind of superpower.

Buddy Guy- One Room Country Shack

bonus track: "Comfort You (Van Morrison cover)," Denison Witmer

Ane Brun - 'The Treehouse Song'

bonus track - Middleman (web) -The Things We Fear

I should remember to link to websites and to put buy-it links with artists bla bla. I figure there aren't enough people paying attention to me to bother with it. But I know this guy, he runs the music store in town, so you should probably buy shit from him or whatever you're supposed to do so I don't feel bad about ripping the song here. It's listed incorrectly in the playlist on that site, so consider this proofreading rather than illegitimate file sharing whatever. (And if anyone can figure out how to get the cover of Heart of Gold off his other site . . ? . I think you need a myspace page for that, and I just can't go there. Obviously I'm doing a little better w/the 'being open to people thing' if I know this guy and some others in town at all, but I'm not ready to be "friended". [Or NOT either - friending, not-friending, any verb form of the noun 'friend' makes me squint and hold my breath.])

Anyway, I like that store - you can rant about the election in there, for instance. If I had a buck for every time someone has lowered their voice and said to me "I wouldn't say this to everyone around here . . . " followed by a confession of liberal leanings, I'd have about $5 so far and I've only met about 5 people. I like that I occasion such confessions from Whiteytonians - in Buffalo, I hardly stood out as someone to whom you could entrust a rant. On the subject of the debate, I'm with MusicGuy that the funniest moment was about autism, as if that's close enough to down's syndrome cz hey a retard is a retard. And yeah, what's with McCain's eyeballs? I feel like I'd like Hugh Laurie to enlighten me as to what all that might be a symptom of - ?? How does 'little white man syndrome' manifest in the nervous system as eyeball popping? Is that physical code for "God Damn It! God Damn It!" - ??

If that little bastard pulls a Truman, I'm going to find myself having to pray for the health of him lest that Alaskan Lunatic gets behind the wheel - I like the world to be upside down, but NOT LIKE THAT.

"Organs On The Kitchen Floor," The Jealous Girlfriends

Nikka Costa - Someone For Everyone

for virgo today: The planets have a nice surprise in store for you today and although you don’t like to be passive you should allow yourself to simply enjoy what comes your way. Someone close to you thinks that you need a little pampering and will be going out of their way to oblige so just sit back and relax!

huh. mercury goes out of retro today. it rules communications and it rules my sign. [upshot: fair warning]