debrief v.2 [4 a.m. meditation episode 1] - I’m camping out at the top of Maslow’s hierarchy, surrounded by the elements of wellness. But one thing: I feel unable to save my soul from the dark-matter shape of a perpetual absence, a Negative Space in his shape that is here sleeping next to me, having mass made of “No”.

IPG (Intense Priest Guy) is sitting there in his dhoti, picking at the toes of his sweat socks. He’s completely absorbed in what he’s talking about. The most attractive woman (a perfectly quaffed ‘I glow from within’ brunette, who was flirting with him the night before and of whom he said in response ‘I bet you’re Russian’) in the room asks, “What do Hindus think about dinosaurs?“ We’ve already discussed that the mind and body aren’t real, so on his unreal face some unreal annoyance passes like the back of a whale and then submerges behind his unreal effort to imagine what the hell dinosaurs might have to do with anything. He says “no no that’s a good question” but it’s just that he’s only qualified to explain the TEXT, not to apply it to paleontology which is simply not his AREA; No hard feelings.

In this vignette, I see the shape of my problem. I’m attracted to priests [and nuns, come to think of it], to men for whom what is internal to them is much more present than I could ever be. And I attract priests [and nuns], I’m not sure why/how. One thing leads to another, I say “can I ask a question?“ and he replies “you're not my area [ft. fuck you]” (passive or active aggression). IPG mentioned a daughter, has a tattoo on his ring finger so some kind of mate . . . Believe it or not, I almost asked him. I mean, after the dinosaur thing how could I do worse? I almost asked him, “How do you and yours communicate across the divide of matter and anti-matter?” But I didn’t have the guts.

The Priestess And The Fool - Baby, It's Cold Outside - this is awesome, horns at 3:39