johnny thunder - I'm alive

YOUR MANTRA FOR 2019 VIRGO: I'm easy to love, and my relationships flow beautifully. I love myself and accept love readily.


I accept that mantra.

modern lovers - pablo picasso

it is a wonderful life - buffalo gals


buffalo girl - chris bathgate (throat sleep)

Called my sister's this afternoon. Xmas was already over, though, only The Butterknife (mom) was there, my father had apparently come and gone already having picked a fight with mom over the time she flirted with the fence guy. But we lived in the woods, we didn't have fences (??) "Oh it was around the pool we put up that one time." Wait, ya mean in Chicago, when I WAS LIKE THREE YEARS OLD? "Yes, well, ya know how he is about me," she says.

The look on my sister's face

VIRGO As it turns out, you're a supernatural being. There's more to you than your past, your present or your future. The day's events will strike a chord in you and you'll feel the truth of your everlasting soul.

Mark? Is that you? What are you still doing in the bardo? It shocks me still that you are dead. But if you are around, you know that. And that I am sorry. So so sorry. I should have at least come. Is it any wonder that I don't want to give any time to anyone anymore? I wish I could talk to you again. You would understand how so many of my actions and inactions now are like marginal notes that read 'here is where you should have stopped / given up / said NO." But what do we know when we are so tenderly young as we were? A child just lives, just does. When we are young, we act and feel without understanding. We don't know yet that we increasingly ensnarl ourselves. And there will come tipping point when our lives are NOW not in the future, we are now living the sum of our choices, which are all in the past and cannot be undone. What of free will then? By midlife, it seems as if there are no more choices to be made except one, to keep living or not. But you didn't even get to choose that.

I pray you were right, I remember you explaining it to me, and how mad Danniel got at you, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? she yelled, right when you said that we would fall after death, fall and keep falling, until we chose to reach out and again embrace life, in blind instinctive faith in it, and whenever that reach came, that moment would determine when and how and to whom and as what we would be reborn. It is all choice, all of life, from before we are born and again afterward, it is all "a matter of perspective".

culture club - time

Do you like me or not?—for example. Whether you do or not depends, in countless instances, on whether I meet you half-way, am willing to assume that you must like me, and show you trust and expectation. The previous faith on my part in your liking’s existence is in such cases what makes your liking come. But if I stand aloof, and refuse to budge an inch until I have objective evidence, until you shall have done something apt … ten to one your liking never comes … In truths dependent on our personal action, then, faith based on desire is certainly a lawful and possibly an indispensable thing. "The Will to Believe", William James

I won't hurt you - west coast

The pursuit of the good life, for the Greeks, was a profoundly personal, emotion-laden, all-consuming quest for a beautiful soul. The beautiful soul was worth sacrificing everything for. Everything! Socrates stands before his neighbors and says the unthinkable—that there is something worse than death: living an ugly, wicked, boring life. This is not the stuff of Kant’s “pure reason.” It’s the stuff of personal vision, insight, and a foolhardy courage to speak the truth. It’s the zest that makes life significant. This is what Emerson found so attractive about Socrates. Socrates believed that the pursuit of the Good was a kind of divine madness. I paged through the Phaedrus and found one of my favorite bits: “The best things we have come from madness, when it is given as a gift of the god...There is no truth to that story that when a lover is available you should give your favors to a man who doesn’t love you instead, because he is in control of himself.."

American Philosophy: A Love Story 

everything is gonna be alright - d murphy

This is a very proud place, rightly.

Holy Cross High, condemned monument

ashanti - foolish

I'll be bold and predict that 2019 will be a nurturing chapter in your story; a time when you will feel loved and supported to a greater degree than usual; a phase when you will be more at home in your body and more at peace with your fate than you have in a long time. I have chosen an appropriate blessing to bestow upon you, written by the poet Claire Wahmanholm. Speak her words as if they were your own. "On Earth I am held, honeysuckled not just by honeysuckle but by everything—marigolds, bog after bog of small sundews, the cold smell of spruce." 

say you wont let go - daniel lang

3hr voodoo walking tour, the priestdude pulled me from the audience to be Voodu Queen for the didactics, "You are all's our mama now, how you keep us safe, our history safe, even if someone sold you away or killed you?"

Fun fact, voodoo dolls are preliterate medical records. The pins just mean stuff like, 'I treated you for a headache last time'. Like this, it's a bunch of writing ways. So, answer: I would be a writer.

the fray - all at once there is no reason this song should be playing where I am right now, over late breakfast in nola

, except this band plays for me from you like a boy in 5th grade pulls the hair of the girl in front of him out of the blue sometimes

"..your sweet body fagrance hits me, do you know that smell is important for falling in love?, there have been studies" ~This Is Not A Love Letter, Kim Purcell

let my baby ride - sune rose wagner

My tarot card says to cut my losses. My horoscope says to bet on a sure thing. I think: the most certain thing is that I will have to cut my losses.

leather dress

amen sister (and great outfit!)




You. Give me small objects of affection by which I will know you. Court me so lightly that I barely notice. So lightly that maybe you are doing it already, touching me with your thoughts. Come on. smib

bonus track: The Ice Queen

Me: mmm a weekend alone, what ya wanna do?
Him: how about absolutely nothing?
Me: I could go grocery shopping..
Him: get it delivered
Me: but then I can't pick out flowers
Him: saves money
Me: truth, and I did just buy that rug..
Him: thanks for the rugs by the way, I love dragging my ass across a new rug!
Me: that looks like it feels pretty good
Him: you should try it!

"nzling sequin pillow"

weekend love horoscope VIRGO

Him: You're so cold, that sportbra gonna hurt your rockhard nips..
Me: Who says I am getting out of this bed?
Him: Works for me!

Only 57% of women share their beds with humans at all, and those would be better off with a dog, finds least surprising study ever.

coughcough awake

Bonus track.

This is so fucked up.

My job has kicked my ass so hard this year. Sick, worn to a nub. I gotta get better. I gotta get more help. Something. I have a degree program for refugees to launch by August. But I can't breath around coughing, can't see around eyes tearing up sneezing, can't figure out what is wrong with the doorbells and several lights, a short somewhere or whatever, I lean against the wall punching it and coughingcoughing and cursing out the loose lightswitch that does nothing.

My last faculty president meeting is Wednesday.  Last time I will be rising to the occasion in front of 150 people, sick in some way. Bleeding or heartbroken or held together with meds. The last haf decade has taken at least a decade off my life the hard way.

This is amazeballs. I ordered from 3 stores, got groceries delivered to the door, never left my bed except to move to the couch. For $10/month, I can get anything delivered from any grocery store anytime - I can have the gallon of pickles from Sams without the Sams part! That is heavenly!

they're the size of my head, $4!

Now it feels like a challenge: how little could I leave the house? What I really need at this point is an antibiotic. Sure enough. I already arranged for hairdid and nails to start coming to me after Jan 1... I am going to take this one one errand at a time until I just no longer run any errands at all.


If only I could press a button and meetings would conduct themselves. Then I could arrange to never see anybody I don't know or don't care for. Less annoying and fewer germs.

think - kaleida

VIRGO
protect ya neck - wu tang clan

Who is taking care of you? This is what you wonder as you spread your care here and there. Don't worry. Someday when you need a hand, it will be there for you. Anyway, it's good to be strong and able. Enjoy that.

kt tunstall - strange sight

weekend love horoscope

Pleasure is a response to the sensations, but it doesn't end there. We get pleasure from not only how something tastes, feels or looks, but also from what we believe about it. We only delight in the things that fit our idea of delight. It can be hard to guess what's going to please another person. The Venus and Mars trine says, "So don't guess... ask!"

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You may give someone you love a little breathing room, but you can't help but check back perpetually, as it seems written in your love clause. "I tried to throw a yo-yo away; it was impossible." — Mitch Hedberg

Ha I remember being introduced to Mitch Hedberg. 'yo-yo" is a great blognickname! That and 'spaghetti', because 1000 mouthfuls of anything is too much

bonus track in honor of the moment of time we are in, the 'tipping point'

VIRGO  You are ardent in your affections. You will express yourself in an open, confident manner and with great warmth and heart. Loved ones will feel lucky to be on the receiving end of your generosity.

🤔skeptical...

boots or hearts - the tragically hip

2008 ft 2018

That Ears could be taken for my boyfriend still cracks me up. I think of them as such kids still. Puppies. The good thing about a diary is you can mark places in time as reference points. A decade ago, I stomped around in the original pair of boots (nocona), we thought about school, we hiked, we goofed around a lot, I was mostly alone except for them (ft a very occasional greek) - it is a remarkable level of consistency despite much upheaval in the middle. I got fatter / grew boobs. They got taller / wiser. We remain.

gareth brook - let go (frou frou)

Jeffery painted my new house this year; Jenn designed the eye that became my tattoo

TJ wants to be the 1st socialist president of the USA

Bossy (my sister) teaching Ears to cook

so he will eat

I took Ears with me to visit my newest nephew. The pup belongs to one of my faculty members, super nice guy in religious studies, moved nearer to me recently for the room to build his mother in law a garden apartment. I like the whole family.  With being "Mother of Humanities" comes aunty rights to new babies, human and canine and feline and hamster and reptile etc. We nzl'd Oliver, he being extremely aloof as puppies go, yawning into my face then falling asleep with the nip of my nose in his mouth. Then the wife asks of Ears, "So you are G's boyfriend?"

hahahahaha

My love life is such a non existent mystery, any guess seems reasonable. Poor Ears. Good thing he has a sense of humor :/

Weekend love horoscope VIRGO: When it comes to impressing you, the way people live is as important as their physical appearance. A good lifestyle fit is a must.

What would impress me most, from someone whose lifestyle is anything like mine, is physical appearING. Time is so scarce and precious, it is the greatest gift to me or from me. My life is brimming with shit to do every minute of every day. I back-hoe'd my life FULL of things, until the empty place of a man was just gone. I am loverless buried now. I need excavated.

dodo greene - my hour of need

VIRGO There are a few dynamics at play that are no longer ideal for you, to say the least. You can always make a change. That's an option you have; you just have to decide to take it.

VIRGO You want to feel as though you belong to someone, but you don't want to feel controlled. You want to call someone yours with the idea that you own some of the relationship but not the person. Boundaries get worked out.

Wow. That horoscope so gets me. Hey horoscope, are you single? C'mere, let me smell you...

(snort)

red

Weekend love horoscope VIRGO: Mistakes must happen in any interesting life. Accepting more than your share of responsibility for them is the big hearted way to go.

(headtilt)

I am trying something new: doing nothing. It is 2 p.m. and so far I have managed to do nothing only by putting myself in the tub. And now, I want to bleach that grout. But I am not going to.

 "Power can mean the ability to get things done, especially for others. By that definition, women in the academy have power aplenty."

My job and my love life have conspired to make me incredibly effective on my own. At my own expense too much.

VIRGO People show and feel caring differently. The closer these match up, the happier the relationship will be. Chances are, someone is caring for you in ways you don't recognize as care.


I see zero evidence. So yea.


No song, no weekend lovescope, I am out. Seeing my sister..

I have had very few long-term lovers. I genuinely love(d) them. I do not know what they felt/thought in return. One, I took on his student loans after pushing him into school - he died very young, so I hardly can hold a grudge,Two others, I thought they deserved what they aspired to be, so I cut them the slack they needed - I am not sure now, so God will judge, but this I know: you did not pay it back to me, so you are still owing someone. One fathered my sons then left the country, a luxury that Canada affords asshats.

At no time did anyone ask me, What are your professional aspiraions? Ever.

If I ever have a lover again (apparently doubtful), here is the thing: my clitoris goes off like an AR15 if you talk to it right and SO DOES MY MIND.  Ask me what I want to achieve.

VIRGO People working things out together — it's a form of love, or maybe it just is love. That's what you'll get today, and even better, you'll appreciate it. Special connections: Gemini and Libra.

All I ever do is work.

I learned some things about the remodeler guy. They leave him here alone for days, no authority to change/add to the job (construction is like writing - it takes shape as you do it, so you MUST revise) so sometimes he is stuck, like the flooring isn't here yet, and there is yet another cousin falling down on that. He is worried, only 8 more days, then he has a ticket to go home to his woman, in Belarus (talk about a commute!).  He won't be done maybe, though. He is fretting about it, so after my hike and before the flu shot I got him the wallpaint, so he can feel useful whether the baseboard heat units arrive in time or not.

I would rather spend my time getting to know nice people better that I already know than trying to score. So it is just as well nobody dropped from the sky today.

bad romance - gaga
on repeat

VIRGO  The potential for fresh faces is high today. You've the space for a new friend to drop into your world. If the other person also has the room, things will develop very quickly. If not, it will be a slow-grow situation.

Welp, I have room for it (grrrrRRrrr). But do I really? I am very busy..

Observation: now that I am chair, I have direct oversight of faculty time. How they spend it and on what. A third of my department get their romantic companionship at a distance. This was a long weekend, so they all went there or it came to them. Ohio, Indiana,  Connecticut, Toronto, NYC. I put my 'out of office' autoreply on my email over the long weekend so nobody would feel obliged to check it - if I set my own time aside, they can too. Upshot: if I set my own time aside, I make room for you to do the same.

I am going to Letchworth for the day, sniff the air and see fall leaves, making room for the beauty of the world.

befores and durings

Last major project, third floor attic into living space.

VIRGO It's the little ways a person shows you that he or she is paying attention that will go straight to your heart and turn someone into your favorite in an instant.

Me: let's buy another dress or get botox or some shit
   

Inner me: it's not you, it's me

hozier - nina cried power ft mavis (fuck yea)

the mysteries of tulip weeks revealed
My IQ is probably average. Mere hormones are the secret powers my achievements. So hormonal, she can leap tall buildings etc.

A data research company, Priceonomics, suggests that Monday is the most productive day of the week and that October is the most productive month of the year. My research suggests that while Capricorns tend to be the most consistently productive of all the signs in the zodiac, Virgos often outstrip them for a six-week period during the end of each September and throughout October. Furthermore, my intuition tells me that you Virgos now have an extraordinary capacity to turn good ideas into practical action. I conclude, therefore, that you are about to embark on a surge of industrious and high-quality work. (P.S.: This October has five Mondays.)
Eesh :/

"What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?"  Henry David Thoreau

VIRGO: You will have a rare morning with no meeting so you will sleep in, waking to the doorbell, letting the new remodeler (who looks even better/greeker in daylight) in to walk behind you up the stairs to your bedroom, where you will lie back down. If you were any other sign in the zodiac (except Capricorn, which is even more uptight), you'd be getting laid. But you are a Virgo so even though you know damn well sweet Greek is thinking about your ass right now in the attic right above you where you can hear him screwing things, and you don't owe anything to anybody since you aren't dating anyone (grrrrrrr), you are going to get dressed and go to work. Wearing a low back top and skin tight pants and leaving a disconcerting trail of thick pheromones everywhere you go, crabby as hell for the rest of the day.

No song. (When is the last time you gave anybody a song? Hrmph)

The faculty officially smacked the administration. Unanimously. Both sides praised me for it - it could have been a lot worse, everyone agreed, all around. A censure and demands motion is not a fullblown putsch. You cannot imagine standing in front of 120 people with hate on their faces staring at you lovingly, a monthly occurance in my life, like my job gets a period that is really bad sometimes. Afterwards, one of the profs I hate the most, a rude little turd relentlessly, came up to me ... Uhoh here it comes, I think, his need to piss on my day ... and he says "you look really beautiful today". I am stunned into laughing right in his face, full guffaw. While I am trying to recover gracefully, another guy comes up behind me to whisper "good job" in my ear, as he reaches around my rib cage for a hug and gives me quick sideboob feelup. I am not #metoo about it at all (whatever).  But today as my crotch-grabbing president proceeds toward putting a teabagger on the supreme court, it is striking how different my reality is from the exact same job if I were a man doing it. Frankly, I think my VP is going to have a tougher time of it when he steps up in 2019. He can't put on a killer dress and subconsciously spank the room. And that is what everyone wants deep down. Made to heel/heal.