This is so fucked up.

My job has kicked my ass so hard this year. Sick, worn to a nub. I gotta get better. I gotta get more help. Something. I have a degree program for refugees to launch by August. But I can't breath around coughing, can't see around eyes tearing up sneezing, can't figure out what is wrong with the doorbells and several lights, a short somewhere or whatever, I lean against the wall punching it and coughingcoughing and cursing out the loose lightswitch that does nothing.

My last faculty president meeting is Wednesday.  Last time I will be rising to the occasion in front of 150 people, sick in some way. Bleeding or heartbroken or held together with meds. The last haf decade has taken at least a decade off my life the hard way.