update: DouchenozzlEX's wife, my old friend M., called me. he was somewhere, so she could talk alone. we were finishing each others' sentences within minutes, laughing and appalled. I was there when it was her turn at ecmc - we've allll been there. except D-Nozzle, who thinks mental health crises are for sissies. we suspect Ears went off wellbutrin while on that camping trip to hide the fact of an antidepressant from his father. she loves that man, how/why I do not know, but even so she agrees he's terrible. she's gonna try to get the storage unit / shit moved, leaving only one trip back to his apt for Ears and me, "if she can" - that is what it's like, being with him, grown people that dwarf him in a million ways somehow controlled/reduced by him.
my ice floats could get gangrenous before I would ever miss that son of a bitch. he makes dying alone feel like the best possible life outcome, and it is what I keep choosing (coincidence? doubtful).
her: he thinks if Ears had sex and joined a soccer team, he'd be fine
me: well I've never joined a soccer team, but...
us: 🤣🤣
her: the other will probably go down a dark road eventually...
us: so it better be worth it
us: 🤣🤣
her: and he has never played one god damn sport 🤨
Virgo. Overnight your buttcheeks transformed into sad little ice floats.
plumber called ✅️ cottage closing rescheduled for 10/5
status: project management (Home)
- move few things left at apt (incl get boxes for books) - I hate shit hanging over my head
- schedule wood delivery + scrounge more pallets
- figure out how to forward his mail
- have him make a list of direct calls to change his address - credit cards, bank..
- yardwork incl holiday lights shopping/planning
- start mancaving the basement (his project, except I want to fit a freezer)
- install all electric crap (ring bells and birdfeeder camera - his project)
not necessarily in that order. my guess is we will do yardwork / birdfeeder. he says the hospital was like being in a bunker, the air was 'sticky' and he wants sunlight to burn it oft. the birdfeeder that doubles as a security camera is in pieces in his room being assembled. this yard is an expanse of field, daunting to me but endlessly therapuetic to him. he could dig a zillion holes, assemble umpteen raised beds.
I'm project manager but following his lead. now it's just ONE shit-thing a day, like calling to change his address is a shit-thing to him, any calling anybody = 😖. so, not too much people-ing yet.
and I also handle the million-little-things not on any list, like cinnamon pastries proofed overnight and will go into the oven shortly to fill the house with warm-smell first thing. I am good at million-little-things. I mighta been born with my nerves shot and/or my parental chaotics nutured my Chicken Little - gotta hand it go my nervous system, it sure can stay nervous 😖🤣 yeup - either way, I have always made comfy around me even when I've been dirtpoor, a nest of books and slow cooking and sumptuous ample bedding. and I am even better at it with another in the nest. #traumainformed #lotsapillows
I would have never chosen this route. grippysock jails are extremely bruising. but it's good he's here, now that he's here. one un-severing of an over-severing. that will help me too as cold weather is setting in.
[last night]
me: (reading) I never noticed before but pretty much every book I own has at least one suicide and/or hanging
him: (snort) ya, not a lot of Eat Pray Love
me: hahaha omg she went nuts too, went down the addiction hole, pulled a Brittney and shaved her head - I read the memoir, and in it she writes a shitty book for money, so I got the shitty book out of the library (I point at the library pile)
him: any good?
me: nope, going bonkers doesn't make your writing sexier
him:👀
me: well ok maybe mine goes off the xxx rails a bit
us: 😅😅
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