it's def not tomorrow yet despite my faceplant for a couple hrs as soon as she shut her eyes 

the World full circle, my mother as an infant again though she's fully "with it" by all clinical measure. theory: in older adults, accumulated sadness may be (mis)diagnosed as other stuff when it's disappointment (immeasurable)

I know her, she needs a real good time, and I just don't have that to give her (yet) and she thought I would by now = #fail #upshot 

when my sister went to thailand, they landed by tipping onto the right wing and threw sparks the whole way down the runway to compensate for a left flat tire and then "welcome! welcome!" on the sound system pretaped. that's what this landing has been like

welp, fence guys are suddenly showing up tomorrow/today, I cannot be in two places at the same time, so again it's Ears taking off work and covering my ass

theory: I can never re-pair bc the best man I know is my own son

life is rough and then finite - setting the bar at joy takes serious balls. she's the one who set the bar at joy required for all of us. she ain't dead but I'm obviously supposed to hold that bar, ready or not, and for her too, and right now. full confession: didn't see that coming