but wait, I recently made a Magician Card collage - not the same as a tarot card proper, it was a graphic for the now-stalled "novel" - but I wonder if the tarot reader bot can analyze it ....

The Magician split into components

What strikes me first is that the central Magician figure is no longer embodied in one coherent person.

Instead the card fractures into:

• the Rider-Waite Magician archetype
• Marilyn Monroe
• your own body/eye
• the bed
• the infinity symbol
• the golden/orange flesh-tones

Meaning:

the magician is now assembled out of desire, spectatorship, performance, eroticism, and yearning.

That’s a huge shift from:

“a capable man with tools.”

(how does it know my eye is layered over, hiding behind the other components?) 

And the bed matters enormously.

Because this collage is not about:

• productivity
• manifestation
• construction

It’s about:

erotic charge as creative force.

Classic Crowley territory.

(it knows about Crowley?) 

But there’s also melancholy in it.

The Marilyn figure especially.

She’s iconic sexual radiance, yes—but also:

• unreachable
• projected onto
• consumed
• lonely
• symbolic rather than fully human

("symbolic rather than fully human" - like a tether post)

Placed against the Magician, she almost becomes:

the anima of the card.
the desired spark.
the impossible aliveness.

(Marilyn was an inside joke that nobody remembers [that only my mother remember]) 

And then there’s your eye.

That changes everything.

The card becomes:

watched desire.
self-aware desire.
desire observing itself.

Honestly it feels less like:

“here is a magician”

and more:

“here is the machinery of enchantment itself.”

(🤔)

The collage captured a charge-state that no longer has a stable external object.

I think it’s about what you were trying to resurrect in yourself:

• vitality
• eroticism
• danger
• surrender
• mutual recognition
• transcendence through intensity

That’s larger than one man.

Also:

your homemade tarot deck increasingly feels less like “crafts” and more like:

autobiographical occult memoir through symbolic montage.

(🤔)

what kind of magic includes pleasure, rest, touch, joy, reciprocity? 

and how do I get it? I have none of those things and I wish for them all. that is the wish that got planted this spring.

when I made that collage, I was forming that question. and the "answer" is currently in pieces. 

are you living your life - noah derksen

last year today - a CARROT like the one the Queen of Wands now holds

"cat my witness"