went to the exlaws for the holiday . . . ex didn't . . . often I feel like I got his parents as well as his sons in the split, which is fine (ironic, but fine). best story of the night:

Neil, my ex-dad-in-law and substi-fatherfigure since I checked his book outa my school library just before I met him when I was 21 years old (yes, that's half the reason I married his meanass dickhead kid, let's not dwell on it), goes to this one coffee roaster on Elmwood always for the Italian Dark Roast (of course), and he hands the dude the money and the dude asks him for such-n-such change over the amount so he can give back a larger bill rather than ones, but/and N says 'ugh I can't do computations, math makes me feel vulnerable' and the dude says 'MATH makes you feel vulnerable?' and reaches across the counter and grabs his nipple and gives it a good hard twist. apparently he'd asked N to stay and have coffee before and N hadn't gotten the hint. he's so chill, N is, ya know? he's totally taken aback, but then again it's damn good Italian Roast!, soooo hmmmmm upshot: bygones and next time he'll try harder w the math thing if required. guess you had to be there, but he tells this story so deadpan, like 'ain't that the darndest thing?'

insert funny youtube video here - I wish I had one - I want to keep laughing the holiday off. holidays can make me blue and feel like I'm wasting my life some kinda way, even though I had my little men with me and I painted my bedroom and kitchen cabinets and made two pies and even people who by law and custom should hate me they love me instead . . . I dunno why I'm blue, and I don't care, I just don't want to be, I just want to have HBO (which I do not) and laugh at whatever and shrug the feeling off.

Instead I resolve: no more holidays this way. No more "this way", the friends with benefits limbo ft. I am The Queen mojo, I'm done with it, it's no longer empowering it's just lame and lonely.