The thing is, I like having the coffee pot set up the night before and school lunches made and a planner full of things to do do do . . . I like it until I feel bored and burnt out, like now. With the boyz gone, I mostly just wanna do utterly nothing, but nothing is hard to do. I thought off n' on yesterday that maybe I'd just take off too, just drive away too, maybe impose myself on some friends for a day or two . . . but I really am tired, and mostly I should go see my grandma before she dies and then there'd be soooo much family to have to see, plus it feels like it'd be a chore to be alone on the road. I should just do nothing, but I literally don't know how. I don't like to drink, no that's not right I love to drink, but I can't drink enough to DRINK, 2 just makes me horny, 3 makes me sleepy, if I push it to 4 then I'll barf and have to start over - besides, getting ur drink on is a thing you do to blow off steam after working.

I want to want to do do do, I keep getting up every day and making a list of things to do and hoping that oomfy feeling will take over me, but meh.

Welp, I do know one thing for sure, to get through to the other side of any problem means you have to keep staring at it. I've been called back to work at the end of the week, which made me throw a hissy last night, then I woke up feeling relieved cz essentially I'd mostly rather be busy, and now upon reflection I just think I've got about 3 more days to discover or create something I really wish I had more time for . . .

meanwhile, holy shit he'd have to piss points to be worth that no?, and the "capped" leak is freaking me out even more