My sister calls. Nebraska has texted her. Good lord, who does that? And to MY family, does he have a death wish?? She reads me the long convoluted message about my "thinking about breaking up with him" and/but his greatest concern is for my health and state of mind.
Wow.
Sister, God bless her heart, took it upon herself to tactfully reply. At disapproving length.
"Known by the company you keep." I just keep running that by folks to get their take. Today, the prevailing theory is that my current institution is a rudderless fractured place no longer turning out "dollies" and isn't going to land that DO school, which will drive the place under. THAT is the company I keep. I do think that's a fair assessment. And in that narrative, I am unsinkable Molly Brown, and Phoenix is the rescue ship I tried to flag down.
What I know: I am incorporating the "known by" phrasing into my own vocabulary because it clearly is magical at creating opacity.
What I know: I need to gain weight. I don't know what to do about that except force myself to eat as if I were happy. Which is a mindfuck, gaslighting your own body. I'm always hungrier after sex, so I keep leisurely masturbating. But it just doesn't hit the "now I want pasta" threshold. I gotta get back to yoga, which also works, but this weather on top of the shitty gauntlet I just ran, oof. I'm really struggling to keep going atm.
I have to get up the energy to do something crazy.
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| too skinny ft fat dog |
