despair formula

X = AHHH (fauxAHH! × president's tenure) + Actual Plague / Icebergmeltingfatigue - dwindling Fucks to Give[squared]

Everyone is laid off. Like, 1 of 3 of people I rely on are not there anymore. Healthcare is laying off healthcare workers. And downstream now universities that educate health care workers are in turn dismantling the infrastructure to do that, despite student want and demand to be in school. All day, my bosses tell me to fire people and close classes. All day, advisers beg me for more classes to offer students. It is the start of MAY, and I'm out of resources for AUGUST = a college moonscape for next semester. I raged all day.

No I cried half the day. Because this morning, it became clear that no matter what I do, I can't see Bug until there is a vaccine. That might be freeing, in its way cz there is NO reason to even try, in that case. And trying is so so TRYING.

Then I raged at work like a banshee.  I don't even give a fuck anymore. I'll tell the president right to her face that she is only so smart as the people around her, and that USED TO BE a university's worth. Now it's just her half dozen faghag groupies left.

Then my own elderly secretary got the boot. Her father and brother have cancer, she cares for them both, she will make more on unemployment than she does for me. Except unemployment is a lie. I know zero persons who have actually gotten that benefit, they can't even get through the call wait time to try. So okay, start a fund for her....

...something useful ....

...then remember: I won't hugnzl again before I die. (Back to crying.)

Even when I'm crying, I am furious. And when I'm furious, I'm sad. 

Old friends