update: I'm perfect (eyeroll). so I'm going to take one of those magic painpills now, oxywhateversomething, and wash it down with a nice cold beer and enjoy my brief stint this week as a painpill addict. by Saturday mid-morning, I'll be free of both a grain of pesky sand in my guts and people who have proved themselves to be not good people, and insurance will cover the process of having had both hacked out. so mote it be.

"It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind" - Morrissey

lucinda williams - weren't born to be forsaken
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I hate mornings and I hate the cold and I hate hospitals >:(

2nd of 3 times I have to drag my ass there first thing - today I find out if I'm dying of something I don't know about, like I dunno what, kidney failure or something - and if not then yay I get to go back Sat and have the grain of sand cut out so I can go back to dying like everyone else (ie not so's you'd notice, and thus have to be thinking about Life Death Issues Shit all the time which fyi is a total bummer). so far the results of all these tests are that I'm in shockingly good health. I heard "wow" half a dozen times at least yesterday. and here's me: GRUMPY. grumpier by the second. I'm so healthy that Cal is chattering away about the gG gene sequence, and how if I have 2 g's he might have 3!! which is the most anyone can have and then you live to be 120 years old easy!! (doesn't that sound like fun?) I know I should be pleased, I honestly don't know why I'm not, but something about "wow, 99 of 100 possible circulatory, you have fabulous oxygen exchange - hormones like you're 20, better watch out ha ha - that was my fastest ekg ever young lady" pissed me off royally by the end. if I'm so damn healthy, a grain of sand should not be able to take me down like this. and if it can, then what is the good of being healthy?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! sigh, I guess I shouldn't think that cz if I go back in now and they tell me wait no you're not healthy, well I will surely be even more pissed >:(

we are all hanging by a thread over a pit of obvlivion at the mindless mercy of even the most innocuous threats

telekinesis - I cannot love you