For Virgo this week: In one of Aesop's fables, a donkey becomes enamored of the crickets' serenades. Longing to produce the same sound himself, he goes to a cricket for advice. "What kind of food gives you that sweet-sounding voice?" he asks. The cricket says, "My food is the air and the dew." The donkey then begins a new diet, hoping that by eating nothing but air and dew he too will be able to make beautiful, whirring melodies. It doesn't happen, of course. The donkey merely starves. Let this be your teaching story for the coming week, Virgo. Sing your own song with your own voice, whether that sounds like a hee-haw or a warble. And get the exact nurturing that will help you sing your own song with your own voice, not the nurturing that helps others sing their special tunes.

Huh. Well it cannot be denied that recently and repeatedly I have been a half-starved (dumb)ass.

So upon reflection, I cannot teach the following: How to avoid being a half starved (dumb)ass; How to use a power drill; How to relent; How to be a good citizen; How to be a model employee; How to be a cricket; How to develop professional skills (on purpose—incidentally yes, but not on purpose); How to be on time (too early yes, but not spot on); How to sleep through the night; How to make a good break (in pool, for instance); How to plan for a comfortable retirement; How to care about worksheets; How to fake caring about worksheets; How to fake it (well—badly yes, and most people don’t notice); How to eat the vegetables first and the dessert last, generally speaking; How to spell (I’m not even sure about dessert—desert?); How to be beige; How to want what you don’t and/or unwant what you do, no matter how perverse or perverse-seeming to others; How not to be perverse or perverse-seeming; How to understand or embrace ‘productivity’ in any worldly way; How to finish, which is for being dead, so why teach that in any form anyway?

I think I’ve been straying, out of desire to do the right thing, from what I know and my own voice. I teach: For No Good Reason. Someone has to do that, and that’s what I do.

Ballboy - I Need Two Hearts