what I really want to do right now is delete every post working backwards to ... not sure ... a month? 6 months? until it feels better / less lousy / innocuous. I want to go mute backwards like other people describe wanting a drink. urge to obliterate. the only thing restraining me is I'd have to look at it again. do not care to.
at 12:12 today, all bets were off, how many etcetc. no idea what I am walking into tomorrow a.m. except it will be painful.
I liked the way 12:12 looked. symmetrical.
