This is what being around him does to me. My body just kills itself, no resilience left. I feel physically awful. When did I get back from AZ? And it's taken me all this time to level back up to "adequate" physical health for 1 day. At a certain point, it doesn't matter why anymore. If every time you think about the other person or spend time with them, you feel awful, then as the Dr says "if it hurts to do that, don't do it" (duh)

Nebraska is in DC for the national humanities alliance conference and then advocacy day when you get to represent your state to members of Congress about keeping things funded. I would normally go with him. I did last year, and this year the idea of being in DC at all let alone over fucking funding - I mean, it's got to be INSANE right? Like meeting Flav, only different. If I were stronger. But I am not, presently.

Just talking about it brings me right back down.

It's going to be a very long year, I fear. 

He took a copy with him. Cz now all I do is tell him to stop fucking talking to me, but he does constantly, text text all day, I respond with barely polite monosyllables on the subject of work, while he also just bailed on paying anything towards mutual obligations (I am so never giving the dog back, no!), then at 1 a.m. he starts blathering about sending me breakfast (uh, do you know what any vet bill looks like, asshole? And wtf is up with men leaving me jeep payments? 🙄) until I have to shut him down AGAIN, no I'm not accepting bagels, go fuck yourself. "I am not interested in talking ON your terms or IN your terms." I suggested he go read this book, learn MY terms. Premise: you make me literally sick. 

It was the nicest way I could think of to say "you make me sick". 

I have a very annoying zit on my ass. Asstat karma, could that be a thing?  My skin is usually flawless, objectively speaking Italian skin just is. This is an estrogen gangbusters thing = the next dude is already on my nerves for not showing up by now lol 🤨 Let's call next dude "Ken".  God damn it, Ken 🤨

Funny story tho in which I am an idiot: hot yoga, afterward I'm in the shower, and I find this marble-sized zit back there and think omg I have buttcheek cancer !! then think that'd be a funny way to die, objectively funny😆 🤷🏻‍♀️ But no, it's just Ken 🤨

No song God dammit 🤨🙄