I was going to start cancelling classes, so I looked one more time at enrollment first...I have 38 souls suddenly, just in MY couesework alone, a couple dozen others in complimentary credits, all counting towards a Medical Humanities major that isn't even live yet, and so many refugee students in the other major that I emergency halted admission until I can find more resources. I met with lobbyist grant people to beg the Fed for $$. I cannot wrap my head around the abacus of existence right now. I'm just taking care of Plug, also suddenly, because bringing a black man into the world plus asthma plus pandemic plus George Floyd plus the "fire cracker" smell through the window right now = this is the best option. I gained a toddler suddenly and lost a son suddenly. I cry, choke on it and swallow (not in a good way), grief relief worry rinse repeat. He says, "Don't worry so much". Irony -  I might never have worried if he hadn't told me it wasn't a hoax in the first place. But if it was worth it to tell me anything, after all the carnage and then silence between us, then I guessed I should learn ... I've been in hell increasingly since that moment. But. I'm living in a world under a president that thinks masks look bad, and that yokel fuckheads are the same thing as legit protesters, that this all makes any other sense than the obvious: this epoch is over.