maybe (maybe not)

"... I’ve fallen into the habit of talking to myself, instructing myself, encouraging myself, as one might a stumbling child: You can do it. You will be all right. You can do it. You will be all right." ~Joyce Carol Oates, "The Widow's Tale"

I looked it up. After 6 months of 'near suicidal grief', she meets a new man at a dinner party at her home and marries him 6 months after that. I thought, She threw a dinner party?

I have lunch with the interim president today. I don't want the job he wants to give me. I don't even want the lunch. I am not dreading it. I just don't anything about it. I don't care about being a woman invited to the Buffalo Club. Doesn't make me a member, does it? And I wouldn't want to be a member, either.

I am wary of committing to wanting anything.

I am wary.