I woke up at 3 a.m. as the Brexit news was breaking and the first thing I thought was 'o look honey, Britain left its wife. And seems surprised it has, like o shit now what.' I wondered if maybe I was one of the few not at all surprised, Cz if I had a dollar for every time I heard 'I wish you'd stop worrying that is never going to happen' in the last year, I could afford a midlife crisis car (truck).

(My advice: sit yourself down and brace yourself then give yourself the news. The thing you're not going to worry about that will/could never happen, Yes it will.)

By the time I got to work, my boss was joking that the girlfriend Scotland was like 'o no dawg, we liked you with your wife, we don't want to own your bullshit'.

And this morning, the EU is all about not getting depressed over it, like she is going to get a mani-pedi then take herself to DSW and buy herself some fuckme sandals and a pair of new boots. Fine (armscrossy), be free Britain, and do your own laundry without my migrant labor while you're at it.

I wonder if the EU and Britain start having an affair now that they've broken up...or Scotland starts emailing the EU, while Britain and France start hate flirting...or the EU throws on her boots and has lunch with Greece who in retrospect wasn't that bad of an ally (ish)...or mother Russia starts taking Britain over now that ain't nobody else obligated to be getting Brit's back..or the EU gets a grief puppy (I want a grief jeep, a 'grieep' as TJ calls it, in brightbright blue)....

Every news outlet on the planet is using this metaphorical f'd up marriage framework to talk about Brexit. That storyline is so familiar, apparently, it translates easily into every language on Earth.