I like to look up into the canopy of the maples in the yard.  I accidentally snapped a pic of myself instead first.  I don't feel self-pity, honestly - most people in this world have it a hell of a lot worse than I do, so mostly I feel grateful for life - but that pic gives me a sick feeling a bit, the dark circles that look like a woman who has been punched.  I haven't slept peacefully or for more than a couple hours in a row in months.