After a couple days of jumping against the waves backwards and being water-blown back to shore, I said I fucking love the ocean. He says, This is a sea. Oh, I say, well…it’s salty…. Yes, he says, the Caribbean is salt water. Oh, right. (pause) I wonder, Where are we exactly? (Wait, don’t answer that, I don’t care.)

He can’t see with his glasses off, and doesn’t particularly like the sea (or ocean or lake…water with fish in it freaks him out by half), he goes in with me anyway, getting salt water up his ass and nose as I gleefully jump against crashing tides again and again and again. He pulls out what he thinks is 2 wet dollars from his shorts to tip the bartender for the drink he needs after that and accidentally tips the guy 40 USD, after which point we are known as JEAMBEAMCOKE! and LADY!, and are called to the front of the line at the beach bar whenever we get anywhere near it.

Well, he says, looking out at the water again as I sip a hospitably strong-ass Mojito, This is a kind of bay, I think. Attached to which ocean? Um, I dunno, I think it’s under California. I think that’s the Baha peninsula (?), I say…that thing that kinda comes down…but that wouldn’t be the Caribbean…and the flight would have been longer….right? I dunno for sure, but no the Caribbean is like south of where Cuba is …. or whatever. So this must be, like, the gulf of Mexico…right? Ok, right, I think so. I thought seas were, like, had land all around em. Yeah I dunno. We have no idea where we are right now. Nope. Ok let’s try to figure it out. Ok. So if this is the Caribbean Sea, and it doesn’t need to be surrounded by land, then we are, like, looking across at Florida. That’s Cancun across over there to the leftish. Oh. Where is, like, the Dominican and Bahamas and shit like that? Assuming we are not below California, it’d be over there somewhere. Behind Cancun? No Cancun is north of here, because we drove south to get here. Then we’re looking north?, cz um the sun comes up over there so that’d be east. Right, so, um, yeah I dunno. I don’t think a person can easily DEDUCE geography. Clearly not. This is All-Inclusive Available for Valentines on the Beach in Mexico Somewhere to Keep Your Woman from Committing Suicide Land, wherever that is exactly (hahahahaha….)