Sick as shit all weekend, with better options than to be trapped inside for days contemplating what it's like to be trapped and sick, but too sick for those better options. No superbowl parties for me. I'm gonna cough up my whole throat chakra like a big goober, feels like. It is particularly unhelpful that I can't watch television very much cz it always makes me sick, bc when you're sick the thing to do is to watch television (not try to read about sikhism vis a vis the hare krishna movement, for instance). I tried - I watched a thing on Animal Planet about a lioness who caught a baby oryx then kept it and tried to love it (though often a bit chew-i-ly) and that meant she couldn't leave it alone so she didn't hunt and started to starve and the baby oryx couldn't get milk so it started to starve until finally in weakness the lion dozed off and the baby oryx wandered some feet away and a male lion came along and chomped it while the mama lion woke up just in time to watch the baby go down easy like a plate of nachos. Then the mama lion went off to hunt, but as soon as her hunger was satiated she went and caught another baby oryx and the whole thing started over and ended the same 5 times before she finally wanderd off to die in nearly emaciated weakness (and heartbroken, presumably).

I am the kind of person who would project myself into the roles of both of lioness and baby oryx, and then would be too saddened by the bereftness metaphors to want to bother explaining them.

---

what I'm listening to: hare krishna remix something something - too sick to care who/what this is, used to be in my old running mix when I was at 4+ miles a day sometimes twice, losing my mind around my busted heart, repeat repeat repeat repeat