For my birthday, I want..

I heard this talked about on the radio today, but I cant find it. Into The Unknown.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). It takes guts to be assertive, but the alternative is that you let your wishes, preferences and needs go unknown and run the risk of later becoming unsatisfied or disgruntled.

(Snort.

I was trying to find the goat on the truck, wtf was that?, but this was just as good (and better for little kids)

I'm grateful for everyone's health etcetcetc obligatory remarks. But. I'm so sick of my kids I could shit a brick. And love life is stable, but.

For years, the people who least get you are your parents. Then at a certain point, you realize your mama/daddy has seen shit. To me mother, debriefing: "oh my god I am just not into them enough for this shit, I make them fucking brownies and crap like that cz they ask then they're too busy to just come by and get it and as for mr I'm the greatest boyfriend ever right?right? I'm just like you fuckers better get GREEKER if you expect me to keep putting out for nothing fuuuuuuckyoooou.."

(mutualgigglegiggle)

If only we could start over.

Mike Tyson, ‘Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.’ 

clutch- electric worry


every everything is shittier, so why not music?

"nesting"

"Sarah Connor"

WAP 

After yesterday, I got a few emails. One an invitation to apply to live in Boston next year,which is highly competitive and thus highly unlikely but I will try to go. It seems like blogfate, Boston of all places. 

And the rest were about my hair. Nobody sees the rest of me, and when they do again they will see a transformation head to toe that is permanent (if I live). My hair streaks in every direction. My ass is plentywide built to lug supplies. My feet are calloused from bare use. I can't remember the last time I wore underpants. Or make-up. And, I don't shave my pussy anymore. I remember not doing that cz I was ANTI THAT - this time it's not a feminist thing, I'm just like duh who has time or cares (?) If you see a pussy, the benchmark should obviously should be "how wet is it". If any pussy is more than a squeaker for you, given the circumstances, ABRACADABRA salude!

Got a song? 

If Jasper were here to look me in the eyes, he would give me that look that now I think meant: I am sorry that you have to be human.

pandemic scrapbooking

 

"last man standing"

 

getting drunk with Mom

"crazypeople": the last stop was BUFFALO! where I ended up, she reminds her mother. "Oh right. Well. The ART!" 

 

pandemic scrapbooking

 

 rest in peace

 https://mashable.com/article/pornhub-international-female-orgasm-day-orgasm-gap/

I'm not really in the mood, but 

 

Hawk

Sitting in the yard. 

Jasper died today

@Tawista last week

I can't stop crying.

do you remember?

during

"harvest moon coming"

Update: negative.

https://www.mybostonheart.com/pub/MyResults.aspx (not available not available..)

I had us all tested within an hour of arrival. Still waiting. What good does that do?? That's horseshit

Meanwhile I'm already out of patience. I don't have the ability to hide that as I once did. The men before this one for the best of me, I'm afraid.

Bonus track.

before

Wisconsin added to New York, New Jersey quarantine travel advisory
https://www.tmj4.com/news/coronavirus/wisconsin-added-to-new-york-quarantine-travel-advisory

That broke when Nebraska was about half an hour from my Sister's, deployed to bring my mother here.

No way to call it off. I tell him: please don't sleep, just go/come. Then he goes quiet.

I remember when I LOVED. I would have fantasy tests: what would I do for you? Risk my life, check!
That wasn't what was ever asked of me, however. So I always failed.

Now: Would I risk my life for your mother? A:

I feel as if I owe one (repost) I love her.

Bonus track - you have got to be fucking kidding me. Thing is, yes they are dying, they're DYING OF WHITENESS. If I live until November, I'll see Metzl again, and this time I won't be shy. I'm out of my depth, granted, but we all are now.

florabama - jjgrey ft mofro

Bonus: walk off the earth - old time road 

We live in a banana republic of our own racist making.

Bonus track.

I dreamed I saw him years from now and I know the moment is true in time and it DOES happen. I will have been dead for a long while, and that will have been harder than he expects. He tells me that he is okay now. But that is a long way off ft. it won't be okay any time soon.

keep the wolves away - uncle lucias

The Solar Eclipse in Capricorn Will Help Us Find Truth

Hope you're not hiding anything!!!! 

cleaning supplies

Bug (is a morning person)

Truth hurts.

My kids. They're so young yet now all adults, navigating the shit I tried to and failed quite, through teenage pregnancy through lesbian communes through multiple failed pledges to love forever..well, that last one I probably did do, but found out loving someone forever doesn't even mean you'll ever see them again, and that was before a pandemic to factor in. The world keeps spinning, clearly hopelessly awobble.

I am awake at janitor hours still. Approaching shift change. Giving report.

I am online shopping and arranging my mother's visit. As in any July. I wrote in my journal last year that I would never bring anyone to my hideaway in the mountains again. The owners don't even rent it anymore except to me, for pity's sake, a widow and all. But the only way to get my mother to me is through Nebraska.

I tried this with FPH, what Nebraska does with me. Dog loyalty, "being there", I get underwear in the mail. None of it worked. Or did it? It's hard to say anymore who wound up really meaning anything to anybody. Who would you risk kissing/hugging? Is that the measure? (insert mental experiment here)

"all is but an intermission, of small and tender consequence", Patti Smith

How did they do this?🤔