update: his mobile team just left - I really love them and I hate everybody so you can imagine how awesome they are and good at their jobs, saving whole lives not just pieces is a lot. but still, as kind and competent as they are, it's SO MUCH for him, everything/anything. as soon as they leave, his hood goes up, he's in bed fully dressed like that, weighted blanket on top, a dog stacked on that, and me quiet. very very quiet. my switched-off-now has its own weight, growing heavier as if rock by rock

it's Ears' birthday 

I've never really understood celebrating birth days but they are not-dead (yet) days, I see that (from here)

meditation: floating in endless blue frosting, somehow able to breath it, to breathe sugar