I sent the pic of the dog and a tiny vid of Dball barking his brains loose to seal the deal. We are animal people. M. has been a CatLady always, fosters them, traps ferals and tames them and shit, and thru her/that, they can get their shit together for Ears for the cat - ersatz is one of TJ's fave words, it's like when you can't handle/have the whole/orginal thing, a smaller/lesser version might be for the best. The cat is their best, I'll take it, I will be very relieved for the poor cat who is "scratching himself bald" according to Sunshine, who then went dark. I cannot deal with her too, my patience is worn thin. The cat is a nervous wreck. So is the kid. Somebody deal with ersatz-Ears 🐈‍⬛️ for the love of 🤨. D-Nozl was almost tolerable for several sentences. M. is good for him. I've always been happy about their marriage, I figured she'd have him cleaning 6 litter boxes 🙏 

How is this my life? How does this make sense? I cook and cook and ponder, my mind unable to avoid nor fully comprehend the constants that it moves around and around.

Spiderlily asked me if I remembered this and I don't remember it. but when I looked on ebay, I found it right away / as soon as I saw it, I knew I'd had it, a fucking bunny cup, so I bought it again even though I do not remember it, because I've lost my mind 🤏 so any piece of mind is worth restoring

what happens Janis?

let my hair down and went to the market, wanting sunlight on me and more food to cook, crystal rainbow kisses through the windows. a wee break from pressing.

update: after I walked around soaking up banana peppers and adirondack potatoes, I called the cat's Aunty eM. Eggs will indeed be housing secured in CT shortly 🪄

wondering what happens after Trouble Shooting - I've forgotten

update: like magic 'you're going to have to take this cat' shut D-Nozl right up 🙄 - not gonna change the outcome, that cat is moving to CT the next time he steps foot in NYS. that's it, I am done 🪄

update: just as I think "ok maybe this can be a day off from the melee," Sunshine texts she wants to kill herself ft. can't keep the cat cz he's itchy. (siiiiiiigh) I've become numb to grippysocks nutbaggery, I can't anymore with this shit. why can't anyone just do what they say for more than one damn minute? 

f u n c t i o n (try)

I gotta disappear Eggs 🤦🏻‍♀️(siiiiiiigh) 

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Have you ever spent time apart just for the pleasure of reuniting? 👀 A little separation gives each person fresh material so when you come back together you have something new to exchange. 🤠?

The landlady went smoothly.✅️ Ears' friend from work will get first dibs on moving in as-is, furnished with big TV and a cat tower. Or family downstairs wants to rent the whole place. We'll sort which it'll be by early this week and transfer the utililies. Wipe the slate and look at what $ he has left. He said sheepishly last night, it's payday and I think they paid me more than usual - is that possible? Yep, you got NYS disability too for September on top of the disability insurance payment. 

And I have paid for everything for a month + all the medical deductibles. I have been hoping all the paperwork was resulting in some $ kinda paychecks kept coming throughout all this. If possible, I'd like him to start his next chapter with 🤏 nestegg. Enough to feel intact, I guess.

At some point, "whew I survived " has to bloom into "yay I'm alive" - not today but what you've blown up must come down/land. He looked at his bank account, and he ordered himself jeans (bootcut). 

Today, I dunno. We gotta go to the cottage by tomorrow, time to close her up / one last freezing cold swim. But today, with the inlaws settled into wait-mode, we can stop running. 

I think I'll let my hair down and go to the farmers market this morning. Sing in my truck.

proof of life