"today was bad

some days are bad

I feel bad when it's my day that has to be bad because I need to be okay but sometimes 

it's not as if there's anyone to talk me down ever (noted)

my therapist has been on maternity leave this whole time. by the time she comes back I won't want to talk to her either

it won't matter, it doesn't matter, I have to keep my kid okay and he is very barely okay and it's a lot of work to keep him that way, that's it

I am very fortunate 🙏🕯 it could be much worse 

I made up something funny that happened today (nothing funny happened) so I could text one of the fireds (like this would be more fun with you here type deal), he laughed and asked about how it's going (onward as if this is perfectly normal, like Orwell or some shit). I told him that my role at work atm is ironically A WIFE, my employer's trophy wife who doesn't do much but look good and go to yoga classes a lot (which has truth in it). drama queens are outward, so not that.

then of course, we went and killed ourselves with sweat and heat. running on or off frightfuel. killedwise, we prefer DIY vs motherfuckers"