having to do endless emotional labor for the schmitz clan is wearing me down. 

"ya dont have to count me among the things you have to mentally MOVE AROUND" - try thinking like that towards Ears, I finally suggest, exasperated. AND TOWARDS ME, I don't say, but I'm thinking it.

Ears and I did have one laugh today - the waiting room + Sams Club slice of life ft and the hair thing is so absurd even Ears was giggling cz there's just no NICE way to handle it - insane people are mesmerized by my dumb hair and then the guy who spoke zero English in the Sams Club (got a freezer, leaning in) except "beautiful beautiful" pointing at his head my head his head - at least that guy was kinda hot, color of onyx, but still, as Ears put it, giggling like hell, "I don't see how ya work that (🤭) unless you're headed to ecmc or getting deported (🤭)" I'm pretty sure that's ableist and racist jeezuschrist🤦🏻‍♀️ - at this point we're unhinged a bit - I definitely don't know how to socially navigate one word in common, to which I nod or shake my head (?) while Ears snickers 🙄. the woman with the drawn on whiskers was easier, we could briefly chat about her passion for origami at least.

I gained 4 pounds, right along with Ears. I figured it was about that much based on tit bounce-density, which I had tested today while he was at horizon for a while. mamos always fill me with raw terror, not the cancer part as much as the test itself, being trapped in the machine, clenched down on, I fucking hate it, so it felt like pricking my mental finger on purpose. a fearpain neutralizes a fearpain, short circuit, can't feel both at once. I didn't stay for results and won't go looking for them.

I am dragging us to yoga tomorrow no matter what.

fires

and food