I realized something - I don't know what "say when" mean means either. (I don't think you meant arm wrestling rt?)
Today the listing process begins. Photos, foorplan, it'll be a "showcase listing", there will be drones and sq ft lasers, god knows what all. All I have done for days is bust what is left of my ass for this. It will probably be frightening today. I am so small and this is all so big. #LittleSpoon.
But, it's true, somehow, that if I stop, everyone stays stuck. Yesterday, K got ANOTHER job - 2 years of no call backs and bullshit, then 2 jobs in 1 week. He is going to install and maintain pools, private and municipal, including every YMCA in 3 counties. Just when I am looking at a pool ready expanse of a yard. I can't remember the last time I saw him like that. Spark of hopeful.
These are small things that are so big actually that they define the horizon. Or forshorten it, choking not in a good way. I am crying a liitle already, knowing how shaken tired I will be by tonight, watching Landman without my mom and busting Boosts just cz I will be out of all effort and maybe heart too.
But it's okay. Tomorrow is Friday. I have a salon appt, girlchatter! while hot oil sinks into my frazzled chorehair, cz that's what salons are for, Barbershops for women. My stylist had Cushings, the first regular person who knew what cortisol was, and where/how it hurts. She washed my hair a curl at a time through all that, trying to save them. She notes each new one growing back now, little streaky corkscrews along the nape of my neck.
I cannot hope he is on call this weekend cz he hates it. But I will deserve some kinda GOOD GIRL!! after today (no?) - just sayin 🤷🏻♀️.
