today is the 5th. I was supposed to get my highlites touched up. halfway thru, the boyz didn't answer the phone at home so I went racing out of with my hair quick rinsed and standing on end. FBI guy is unofficially casing me to see who is casing me, and that is a lawyer/judgedude who lives a few blocks away and goes those few blocks out of his way to drive by here as many as 10x a day in his various automobiles to be less obvious about it but if I'm not outside he craaaaaawwwwwwls by waiting to get a glimpse of me, and goes round and round the block if Cal is outside cz then he knows I'm somewhere close. however, he might not be the guy who is emailing me, believe it or not, that person might be a student (or coworker), since although the email is a yahoo acct one of the msgs seems to start via the campus IP so the security people of the college are working on that . . .

fyi, none of this is illegal. it's BORDERLINE harassment, but that's it. until/unless he threatens to hurt me, watching me come and go is perfectly legal. even emailing me your junk, since I'm not a minor, that is no great shakes in the world of cyberstalking.

so I should just go about my business, but wow man it's hard to feel normal. everywhere I go, if a dude looks at me (which um is kinda all the time, just saying, you'd think that would be less and less the older I get but not so much, I dunno, I guess the world has so much milf porn in it now that I'm my own little fetish category or something cz men look at me All The Time) I get utterly completely weirded out. the fireworks last night, omg, we finally retreated to the other end of artpark AWAY from the fireworks so I could look at them and not at the people who might be looking at me. and as for sleep, forget it, I'm going on 48 hours now almost entirely sleepless. ie I'm a freaked out cranky fucking bitch BIG TIME, with fatigue cotton mouth and the urge to slap the shit out of anyone I don't know

rest of the day: eat out (too tired to cook) and nap somehow, maybe at the youngstown pool so the kids have something to do and lifeguards watching while I try to doze off if I can