talked this morning on the phone w tony for an hour, made me feel better and worse. we swapped stalker stories and controlfreak stories and whatnot, which made me feel better - but he's got more options than I do: he knows his stalker so the police put an end to his situation; he's back w the gf that it never works out with but he knows her and she's a comfort, which I so understand obviously, and I frankly would do that too if I could but my comfortlover is dead; and finally, of course, Tony's a man.

today: we're going to buy flippers and get TJ sized for a bike, get hotdogs and smokingjoe's and ice cream cones in youngstown near the fort. then the boys will be on holiday w their dad's family in WI for 10 days. and I will be alone. tonight, my first night alone, I'll have the option of walking into town at 10ish to hear Clyde (Tony's band) kick off the Lewiston Music Fest, or I could go into nf to the Wagon Wheel for the songwriters open mic (ie Thighs and D Thurman singing w Jeff). probably either would mean I go alone, as Sun has no babysitter. or I could stay home alone.

anywhichway, there is no way I'm getting thru this day without crying so I'm not even gonna try