a cold lake, easy to find (a million options incl the one I grew up on), a little handful of sleeping pills (got a zillion), and I do my favorite thing (aside from sex I very dimly remember): float. I have had that plan/means ready for years. all my bluster about my shortlist of people I'd take with me - my ex topping the list - is just bluster. I want peace when I have finally earned it. 

The cat deserves better.
And so do I.

 

meanwhile, time for shots if they work. I know everyone thinks I am a Huge Cunt, indestructible and terrible. I cannot give much of a shit about anything 💔 that much is true. but the cat deserves better even if I never do.