I'm done trying to pick his ankle bracelet. Mere Impediment is my new name for his wife. She's trapped him by babies from the get. He has to chew his leg off, I dunno, she don't wanna let him go no how. I pray it isn't driving him to drink. That's it. Otherwise, putting her outa my clean mind. 

I just think, or I guess feel: she's irrelevant. She only feels relevant because she's causing him pain but she isn't actually relevant beyond that point. Which is why she is causng him pain. The end.

"do you think we could get back together? kinda maybe?" is not a question he gets to just put back in the bottle AGAIN, nope, I let it go angelic cousin whatever like 3-4 fucking times already, and he's sober now (he says and I believe him until he tells me otherwise) (and even shitfaced I couldn't just let it pass again without a 'hold up'), so I dunno the answer to that question at all but *the question itself*, posed again, makes her irrelevant as far as I am concerned. she will have been a very bad spell he went through, a trauma, which has not killed him before and is irrelevant to the matter of what the heck he and I are gonna do with us.

"I wanna keep all the history, and I also want to start fresh. can I have both?" right answer: yes. because we can have/do whatever we want 👁to👁 re each other. maybe in no other way is he free to choose but re me he is nothing but

all over folklore, from fairies to vampires whatever, their magic has to be invited in or it won't work. I cannot seduce him. it has to be the other way around mostly at starts. he has to fudd up. because he likes to. we aren't gonna just skip over that or steamroller anything of any good parts. he has the answer(s) to his own question, he just doesn't know it so neither do I, but it's not going back in the closet, no more pretending that never crossed anybody's fucking mind like I'm losing my damn mind 🙄

I am not budging from HERE X. leisurely chewing this carrot.