me, the card I was in his first-ever reading 

him now - defensive and/or overburdened

put it together, that is a lot of DICK ENERGY but not ideally arranged. and although MY devil card is Bettie Paige (pro that card), still, traditionally that card is a lot about addiction and being trapped but by your own choice

it's the same couple who are on the Lovers card, but here they have chains around their necks that they could just lift off themselves but they don't

so what's a girl to do with this situation? if I pull a card, the answer is a different queen entirely, Queen of Pents (presence through permanence)

the only Queen lifesize collage I've made - she lives at the cottage

if I ask my shrink, it's almost the same answer. hold your ground, basically. 

this is unilateral, so it's only a partial answer: I wanna keep all the history, and I also want to start fresh. can I have both? I am "here", yes, as always. but the dynamic of I want him more than he wants me, I'm up he's down, all the scales/balance out of whack - all that crap is not good for either of us. somehow we both have to meet each other where we each are at. 👁to👁 is how we should ideally be seeing, trying to. 

I looked up Bug's song, katy perry lol jeezus  hot and cold - katy perry welp, try singing along to it (loud!) while driving a truck, it's pretty fun 🤷🏻‍♀️

the card of the day is the Devil

I got 99 problems but shame ain't one