She'd had an operation. To remove one tumor from her esophagus bc it was fucking w her inner ear and making her dizzy. Followed by a METRIC FUCKTON of chemo and radiation (somehow this is kidney cancer, or as she put it "interrupting kidney function". Her sodium levels are zilch.) I hear all this after the fact of it. I'm thinking palliative care consult ASAP. But nobody says exactly what it is in medical specifics or if they do nobody who hears it understands it OR is willing to accept it.
And I totally get it. I wouldn't accept Dying either. 🖕
And I am not Dying, I can prove it, I used to be WAY SKINNIER. Look at the size of that Italian shnoz. This pic was on the always-present photo montage at these things. I still want my tits and ass back!, I need to get dick n pizza in me lol, but I'm also just small :/
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But if we WERE, Dying Now, we would need help doing it better. Americans die horribly. It's a cluster fuck. Nobody can or will just be nakedly honest at all, terrified (physicians and patients). Nobody understands the actual science much, at least patients do not and drs hide behind clinical languages. Plus there are draconian rules like you have to live at least 30 days if you have surgery. It's like a return policy but prevents returns until AFTER 30 days. (Why?) Everybody sick is ashamed af (about?). And the end result is what I just went through: 20 bereft broken coworkers, standing around saying nice stuff, which is all we ever do anyway. We're generally nice. April, faculty from OT, so nice that you think somebody droppd her on her fucking head, is as usual taking photos. (Why?) And I smile in a few. (Why?) And there are hot dogs, but nobody has the heart to cook them.
I made everyone cry once, that was my scope of practice under the circumstances.
"See ya Monday", hugs, like always.
Except she's fucking DEAD. And we were it, she had nobody, no family left, those kids were a disaster, work was (we were) it.
These are the days I remember I do not drink.
