Now it's today. 

The 2-230 a.m. wake up in me is trained, it is exactly that time every night of my life, if all is well it's too short to pee, but most of the time 😳 for a spell. I inherited it from my father, who as a young man built houses, fixed anything, put roofs on stuff, so around 2 a.m. he would wake for more calories. Later in life, he drank, sugar wore off around 2, then it was beer n cookies vs milk n cookies - either way, my body learned to wake to his, listen, map movement by sound and mood, and to wait. He never molested me or anything crazy, he was just subject to his own inner storms about which at the time I knew much more than I knew of the weather of the planet. That's all. 

And then at some point, he was no longer the center of my universe. I was. With my own 2 a.m. My own storms. And I stopped actively thinking about him, more and more, just a galaxy far far away. Between 15 and 30 years old, I almost never talked to him. The last dog of mine he hurt was Maggie. The age of Maggie ended the epoch of Tbone, and he went extinct for me. 

Of course, he kept living, and mattering very much to my sister and mother, whom he treated like crap, while he wooed my attention for all the adult decades. And that remains the basic shape of the world. My mother orbits him but from inside my sister's orbit, which subsumed him entirely and forces him to Remain to this day. And I am the moon. 

From here on the moon, I'd say his bowel blockage = decent food 3x a day, all needs cared for (he doesn't have to cut his own fingernails), dog gone so no moving to let the dog in/out = a world of competent caring women and no dog. And he just can't shit that life out fast enough. And he will continue to hate it, HATE. IT., and yet live and live. Somewhere along the line, probably at the orphanage, he learned to continue to live indefinitely while wishing very much to die, and he has returned "home" to that.

I did not inherit that nor ever got the knack of it even a little.

bigger flame - branden lam ❤️‍🔥

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You've experienced inner conflict before — your logic pulling one way, your emotions another. That tension can slow a person down, but not you, not today. You use it like a divining rod, twitching toward the source, bypassing everything that's dry.