VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). If you knew that thousands would follow your lead, what would you do? Add your flavor to the conversation today, knowing that this is the way culture is built. Do not doubt your contribution is an integral part of the fabric the future is made of.
Every choice I make now begins to knit the future.
As I lie here, drinking coffee, dogs and Nebraska all snoring, I am turning options over in my head of how the day might unfold. How I will decide to go with it? Every choice has risks and implications.
THE talk is an option, that's where "thousands" are at stake, I think. Literally thousands of future physicians over the course of a decade, easily. And I would like to start a cult with a large subset them. But THE talk is a lot, a LOT, I have to choose those words very carefully. And I'm tired, just his presence and the necessity for THAT fucks up my sleep (even more), my bp, my biomarkers all crater. I have to still get *stronger* to go down that road.
No talking at all, that's another option. I have most often chosen that. But now my quiet is SO LOUD, that doesn't really hold for long. Like a forcefield that's gone glitchy.
Or. I could start packing to leave, making that intention known. Nobody knows that yet except Ears. But that's runner up to The Talk :/
Shooting, a thing he's suddenly doing because in Nebraska because he CAN. The shitty simulacra thing, I've noticed a pattern of him MAKING THAT SO, buying the gun I wanted, buying bullets unavailable to me. A casing fell out of his pocket on the plane, he tells me, laughing but it's not a funny story, it's teasing (not in a good way). I could get Sarah out and the few shorty bullets I have, lean in, but it's Sunday, range closed. And I don't want to waste the bullets. And I don't want to give anything more of myself away.
I have made all the offers I am going to, as things all stand🕯
A monkey wrench. I'll go sideways. Kick up dust. While I think. Shopping maybe, I never do that. Drag him into his own world, "out", telling the waitress his name, that kinda shit.
(I'll Shazam anything I hear, trying to learn to listen) playlist:
what are you listening to? - chris acoustic
awake my soul - mumford&sons&jon batiste (live in New Orleans, when Nebraska disappeared, that was supposedly why he was there...) That just happened to pop up as I wrote this, so guess I'll start here, with Jon Batiste 💞
what are you listening to? - megan moroney (cover) what I was looking for in the first place - sometimes a set of lyrics needs a alternative voice for you to hear them = you need cover
