I am damn difficult. I watch myself bristle and not able to help it. I am TRYING TO HELP IT, but can't, I am a terrible liar, if I am hissing on the inside there is no way to quiet it. It can be heard through my skin. Every time I see him, he has to deal with it all over again. I just SNARLHISS. I do not want to be touched (much), definitely do not want to talk about how anything feels (!), don't want to even say "I'm glad to see you too."  yeayea, patpatpat

Was I always like this?

My inner dialog: are you oppressive and clingy? Or are you a perfectly nice guy who has the misfortune of being bewitched by my ass? You look like you're just sitting nearby breathing, nothing overtly oppressive about that. But for whatever reason, because I know you're thinking about me, I want to kill you. Even though you came 1000 miles to sit there and breathe harmlessly.

😠😠😠😠😠

He stopped a movie we were watching just to hug me, and I swear I nearly ripped his throat out with me teeth. I literally shudder growled, and he laughed. He laughs through it, just keeps it up. Like I am feral cat "rescued", who is not into rescuing at all, and he just keeps at it with human equivalents of cans of tuna. Stuff I like. Until I relent and I'm like FINE JESUS CHRIST FUCK GOD DAMN IT *JUST STOP WITH THE WORDS* AND YES INCLUDING WORDS YOU ARE ONLY THINKING GRRRRRRRRR.....

Trainwereck used to say that he spent 2 years sneaking up on me, like Elmer Fudd with a cardboard bush. I think he says that crap to everybody. But it worked. I felt like I could skip all the hissing and go straight to the penis magic because I bought that bullshit story. This poor bastard has to try to RELATE to me. And I hate that. I dunno how anyone ever did that :/