stopped at home depot on my way home from yoga, having sweated as much as I possibly could, drinking tons of water so I could sweat more bc my notsick smell is one of my biggest pleasures (as small as that is) at present - asked some dude to help me find grass seed and slug guard and whatnot, him looking familiar vaguely but half of WNY has gotten their grammar corrected by me so whatever, then finally he places me and I place him . . he was just thinking about me the other day he says cz he's going to see The Hip again this summer like we did a couple years ago . . . funny how people can share a moment, who knows how many moments actually, and not share them at all ya know? I tried to do the math but I couldn't cz the night of that concert was either the umpeenth time FPH and I broke up or we never did at all depending on whether he ever 'counted' or not, and honestly I have no idea whatsoever (who's to say? he or I? my mama or his?), I just remember his having to take a pee so bad and FaintedInk yelling his name across the crowd in the dark and us laughing . . then I came back to the moment I was in now, not the first time an ex of Ink's has flirted with me, which as a repeat event must prove she speaks well of me (hahahahha), I register in their minds as desirable some kinda way, and I bit back a smile remembering her driving off with COI wrapped up in the seatbelt still, him running along the side of the car . . it's fine, I'm fine, that's really all that counts given impending mortality and all that, but it made me sad how time gets lost and people with it (all of them sorta actually, each in our own way now that I'm thinking about it) like FPH who simply vanished as if he cut the cord that tied him to the ship and floated out into the weightless black of space (can he breathe? I do not know), and I sang a cappella in the car with all the lungpower I could muster and I prayed my kids won't go missing on me cz some things I can take (barely anymore, but still) and some things I could not