HI!
Hello.
Wow, I really had kind of given up on this kind of relationship.
You know, right?, that talking about your relationship history at the get-go is a turn-off?
O, right, ummm sorry. I just wasn’t expecting you.
Uh huh, well I probably wasn’t expecting you either.
And you’re RIGHT HERE, that’s so awesome! My last Mary, we had a strong karmic bond but the commute . . .
There you go again.
I’m sorry, I’m just saying, I’m really happy I don’t have to move to an international border crossing town in futile hopes of getting a smidge of face time with you, or whatever.
I appreciate your enthusiasm, but do I have to live on your driveway? The ick smell of the asphalt reminds me of the second coming. Or the gulf spill. Which, btw, is the end of the world.
Really?
Duh.
O. Damn. That sucks. Well meantime, I plan to move you to the backyard into the shade, give you a little garden, some shih tzus to play with . . . .
Nice. Okay, so, you got some shit that needs doing or what?
Ummmm, welllll, I’d probably want to give you some background . . .
O for Christ sake, enough with the shitty relationship history, just cough up a prayer will ya?
Can you say “for Christ sake”?
You’re a mother, right?
Yes.
Do you remember your kids’ names or . . . ??
O. Ha. Right. Ummm, well, I’d like to stop having all my sex with myself . . .
So you’d like me to have you lose your hands in a horrible freak accident on the Grand Island bridge?
NO!
Ok here’s a rule of thumb (duh): Careful what you pray for.
Right.
Be specific.
Right.
Right.
