for Virgo this week: The swan is a beautiful bird, right? If you see one gliding across a pond, it evokes in you a feeling of calm. In fairy tales, it's a symbol of natural grace, an emblem of animal elegance. But those lovely associations are becoming irrelevant in England, where swan populations have grown so massive and voracious that they're threatening ecosystems and damaging biodiversity. I guess we could say that their destructive overabundance exemplifies the theme of too much of a good thing. It's an apt metaphor for the challenge I believe you'll face in the coming days, Virgo.

taking the bait . . .

Chinese piledriver
Noung, (Chi-Neez Pile-Drive-Er) The act of performing a "69" (Mutual Simultaneous Oral sex) whilst standing up, holding the woman upside down as she performs fllatio. Moments before orgasm . . [I can’t go on with this. I can’t believe it goes on. And if you really consider the logistics of this, you’ll have to conclude it’s meant for men who love midgets, which I am sure there is a word for.]

Chinese fuck puzzle
A Chinese Fuck Puzzle is something totally complicated or in disaray [or misspelled?] or disorganized. A clusterfuck. [I am so not looking up clusterfuck.]

Chinese cupcakes
A pair of stolen panties that . . [who thinks this stuff up?]

Chinese bellybutton
When a girl is so fat her bellybutton is no longer a circle but a straight line.

Chinese bricklayer
Performing cunnilingus from the wheelbarrow position. Sarah needs to build up her arm strength; we were barely ten minutes into a chinese bricklayer and she needed to rest.

Chineasy [told ya]
tight Asian, not necessarily Chinese. Lucy Lui is Chineasy.

Chinese chode chomper
A chinese person who chomps on chodes. [chodes?---I’m not telling you.]

Chinese basket job
A woman sits in a basket suspended from the ceiling with the bottom cut out. The basket is lowered and spun so the vagina spins freely around the penis. [Who thinks this stuff up?!]

Chinese bake-away
The act and decision-making process of ordering Chinese (and to a lesser extent less monosodium glutamate laden) take-away while baked (stoned). Motivated by inability to cook and a lack of ready consumables, those initiating a bake-away must overcome several major hurdles:
1)Finding a menu while munted
2)Deciding on a finite (as opposed to infinite) number of foodstuffs.
3)Gathering together keys and cash to facilitate transaction
4)Maintaining both by telephone and face-to-face with delivery person, despite awareness that your reality is not that of the world
The bake-away process usually takes one to two hours from start to finish. [lol okay I’ve been to these, although these days I’m all straight as an arrow except for slowly but surely becoming a Chinese alcoholic.]

Chinese alcoholic
Someone who stopped smoking pot, which should help her remember the all the details of a Chinese fuck puzzle, but who has a hard time resisting the temptations of dom perignon and absolut and beer, like when she’s waiting for certain persons who live on Chinese time.

Nightmares on Wax – The Sweetest (setting the mood on Chinese time, give it to :46 sdkfasdlkfajsdlknzz then woopStop. repeat.)

Damien – Woman Like a Man (for Slushie, who plays it on repeat, but girl stoooop with the urban dictionary.)