billie e - bury a friend

angry johnny - poe

the stable song - not Isaac isamov

Laugh til ya cry, my family is gifted at that. Debriefing memory, something superfucked up that we accepted at the time (what choice?), like mom's everythingissalad kick, bowls full of dandelion leaves pissed on by the dog in the yard and now dressed with garlic for dinner. Remember how whenever ya got sick, she would shove a suppository of Tylenol up your ass? WHY? Like, there were fucking chewables Ma. Remember that time you actually had to have that after the car accident and after two tries you were like MA!, put your fucking glasses on!! On and on we talkstory, until we can't breathe for laughing.

Hurling shit, otherwise known as dinner at the table, another gift of our family dynamics. My sister this time, a well deserved plate at my dad. He got started on slave rape - WHY? - insisting that 'until lately' there was no rape, men and women just both accepted that sex happened on demand, and that it wasn't a violation of human rights because slaveowners could not rape property, that would make no more sense than fucking your shoe and calling it rape. "Like a knot hole in a piece of wood." I excused myself to go to the bathroom to write down 'knot hole' so I wouldn't forget the phrasing.  Through the door, I could hear my sister getting pissed, arguing with him, then she pulled his old 'in my house, you WILL..' move on him. I felt her deep satisfaction at being able to say it just like he always had, this is my house, her rage and power moved up my spine out the top of my head. Then the *crash* of the ritual plate sacrifice. I came out of the bathroom, Dad was gone, plate shards were being cleaned away, my sis was fuming and heading out to the porch to stress smoke. "Please tell me it was YOU who broke the plate (?)"

Fuck. Yes.

And I start laughing again. And so does she.

"no place like home"

roll up

VIRGO There is no one in the world who can irritate you quite like a member of your original family. This is why it's good to go into interactions with them with the intent of giving an extra berth of generosity and graciousness.

yup off to WI today hahaha jeezus :/

well irritirritating or not, it will be good to see my fam. after days of nonstop academia, 1 1/2 offers of marriage later, I am very ready for comfort food

first day it hits 60 degrees and I go home sick omg I think I am dying and I dropped my dogs off at the groomer this morning now theyre trapped downtown with the anal gland expresser lady

ballad ft ode

Update

"He wondered how it was that the women who had no power to make us happy could so easily make us unhappy."

🤔 picker is broken?

"A pussy could pull a boat", but could it ever build a cabin?

sza - go gina (stripped)

It's international women's day. FYI. Gifts are supposed to be helpful, useful, practical...

What?

As predicted: NUTS.

I booked a trip to Chicago at the end of the month. I booked another to Mexico after that, gonna go lay down a tawny color on my legs for the season, drink tequila by a pool with a book. Then, speaking of books, Boston again maybe

3fer

I know he did not want me to do what next I did. But desire was so strong within me that I did not care. I raised my hand to his hand, where it still lay on my lips, and then I opened my mouth and brushed my tongue lightly against the tip of his finger. He groaned, and as I sucked hard upon his finger he pulled me to him with the hand that was still upon my wrist. We fell together then, and nothing, I think, could have stopped us. We had each other, wild and hard, right there upon the gritstone floor, and the pain as the rough flags grazed my flesh seemed to match the pain that was in my heart. I do not know how we got upstairs, but later we lay together on the lavender-scented bed. We were tender then, and slow, taking exquisite care for each other. Afterward, as rain rapped lightly on the windows, we rested there, speaking softly of all the things that we had loved in our lives before the ravages...

“Tonight, I mean to serve you,” he said. He led me to the chair and draped my shawl around my shoulders, tenderly, just as I had so often in the last month tucked a warming blanket around him. He bent to the hearth, and when he had the fire crackling, he knelt before me and eased off my boots and then my hose, laying his long hand gently against the pale flesh of my thigh. “Your feet are cold,” he said, taking both into his broad palms. He fetched the kettle from the hob then and poured warm water into a basin. He washed my feet, kneading the soles with the pressure of his thumbs. At first, I was made all uneasy by this unaccustomed tenderness. My feet are unlovely, hard, and horny from poor boots and much walking. But as he went on, caressing my cracked heels, the knots of tension in me untangled, and I gave myself up to his touch, leaning my head back against the chair and closing my eyes and letting my own hands travel through the strands of his unbound hair. After a long time, his hands stilled. I opened my eyes and met his, gazing at me. He eased me down to him then, so that I sat astride his thighs. He pushed my skirt and placket up and went into me, gentle and slow. I wrapped my legs around him and held his face between my two hands...

And sometime in the early hours of the morning I took him again, slowly at first, and then with passion. I threw myself on top of him. 

Hundreds of pages of bubonic fever finally breaks.

"It is a great thing to be young and to live without pain. And yet it is a blessing few of us count until we lose it." Years of Wonder, Geraldine Brooks (vigil reading). It has been a clarifying week of trials.

My mother sent it.

"think spring"

I'm alright - m peyroux

death cab for cutie - I dreamt we spoke again

VIRGO: Clear communication isn't always delivered via words.

Mindfulness isn't always the best approach. Sometimes the mind needs to hand the problem off to another source. The body has wisdom, too. So do the myriad of automatic responses each of us have that we'd be hard-pressed to categorize. In the wake of the intense supermoon, relax back some and let autopilot do its thing.

Translation: tulip week.

hot mama - brother woodman ft ethel brown

3-4 days a month, pizza and bugers are delivered (a LOT), cash is dispensed so they can go to fetch chocolate (bulk bags of dove nuggets, peanutbutter cups, haagen daz, and potato chips too while you're at it), I don't care if the house goes to hell, if we run out of clean laundry just air and rewear for all I care, and we bingewatch (Lorena is this month's choice). Now that they're old enough to put 2 and 2 together, the boys think a woman getting her period is THE BEST THING EVER.

"you had me at hello"  so damn funny, the thing with the cop omg 😂

here, another present

“I imagine the gods saying, We will
make it up to you. ..
Let me fall
in love one last time, I beg them.
Teach me mortality, frighten me
into the present. Help me to find
the heft of these days. That the nights
will be full enough and my heart feral.”

Jack Gilbert, I Imagine the Gods

"No one could go back and change anything—not what you said and wished you had not, not what you did or did not do, not what someone else did that you would have stopped if only you’d known. There was no knowing." Gone So Long, Andre Dubus III

Suddenly, I am bringing this writer to campus next month. I saw him read years ago. I was alone in Boston. I was supposed to be with someone but we never did make it to that city together. I took a pic of myself in the king sized bed. My toes were painted sky blue to match the May sky. Trainwreck was on his honeymoon, thinking of me, getting his photo taken by a bartender. I floated from room to room, listening to academic papers on American literature, wearing a sheer maxi dress and cowboy boots, defiant. I bought Townie and read it sprawled naked across a bed the size of of a ship, vowing not to go back to that damn city by myself ever again and I never did. Now I am nestled in my bed reading Dubus' most recent book, alone, my valentines present to myself. It is a novel with daddy issues at the heart of plot. The circumstances of the writer coming to me in March are completely arbitrary, not related to any of that history, and it is a total accident also that the philosophy books I have been reading and quoting from lately are written by a coworker of his. I will ask him: Hey Andre, fellow daddy issue warrior, is that coworker of yours insufferably happily married or what?!?!

weekend love horoscope

“We feel that even if all possible scientific questions be answered, the problems of life have still not been touched at all. Of course there are then no questions left, and this itself is the answer.” —LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN, Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus

"In your group, for example, there are four couples and your wife. All of them have found love. That’s why they can share such a positive vibration with me. But I’m on my own.. So I’d prefer to accept my loneliness. If I try to run away from it now, I’ll never find a partner again. If I accept it, rather than fight against it, things might change. I’ve noticed that loneliness gets stronger when we try to face it down but gets weaker when we simply ignore it." The Witch of Portobello (PS) Paulo Coelho

“Mingle the starlight with your lives and you won’t be fretted by trifles.” Maria Mitchell

I know who is going to win the left/right battles raging across this country. I know who will win Brexit and punative absurd migration policies (moving around is not just a right, it IS) and every other giant fuck you that people are intent upon hurling at one another. The planet, that's who will win.

These are the residents of this place. They're chatting out there. As I merely fleet.

How trees talk but not to you.

reading in my supersudsbowl

"She takes his shaking hand in the dark. It feels good, like a root must feel, when it finds, after centuries, another root to pleach to underground. There are a hundred thousand species of love, separately invented, each more ingenious than the last, and every one of them keeps making things." The Overstory, Richard Powers

Beautiful

Love has many languages, definitions and types, its expression changing through a lifetime or even a day, as we'll learn with this Venus change. Venus in fiery Sagittarius featured passion, possibility and pursuit. But in the weeks to come, love will be more defined by proof than anything else. Without evidence, there is no love.

I wish - ninja sex party