VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Aggressive people want to win, but so do pacifists. They want to win peace. The difference is that aggressive people are only truly satisfied with the win if they're sure the loser has suffered some. Those types will only bring you heartache.

They sure have.

TJ rolls in tonight for our Thanksfornothing Day tomorrow dinner, adding her 👀 into the mix. My mother has been staying safe from me down in Irving. Another round of firings left me alive for now (again) but in a dark place, 4 others in the woodchipper. And I just felt slapped hard (not in a good way). I can't feel like that around my mom. My turn-to-stone trick only works if nobody is around who can see through it. 

I am in an abusive relationship with This Life. It beats me when it gets in a mood to, or it beats someone else right in front of me. It's been like that for a long while now. I make plans to escape, all of which have failed (so far). My newest plan involves nobody else. Maybe that's the secret sauce, I don't know, I hope so, not like I have any choice regardless of what my mother says. I felt moved, and that got me moving. But the rest of all that followed is on me alone.

I have sold my house, forwarding address to nowhere, which didn't go through because the govt does't work, so uhhh I think I technically live no place. If it worked to change your address, you could still vote - now I cannot. This no-place house will be paid off in February, as the rules currently stand. As soon as I figure out how to get rid of this damn jeep, I will be off the $ grid. And the only further major repair I will do here is to fence me in - that one I am giving myself - closest I can get to a moat. The cottage is already paid off and can be rented half the time as long as I or family/friends uses it half the season. 

If you try to kill a flea, it's surprisingly difficult. You have to cut them in half to do it. They know this trick I am trying to pull off. Get very small and hard-shelled. That's my spirit animal atm. 

First weekend alone here. Anything might have happened but nothing did. I felt 🤏 sorry for myself being less sexy than a stray cat, and I just got shaken to shit again and nobody would give a shit if I bought bourbon to make it go away for 48 hours. Which I did not, of course. I was expecting all that pain+alone over the weekend, and self-pity always makes everything worse, so I made the lamb meatloaf (made Ears eat it) and went to yoga. And I wrote A LOT. Flinging words into the ether like ropes, then coiling them back up out of sight.

This ain't my first rodeo with this toxic combo of lonely, shaken, and "fine" somewhere nearer to death. I know what to do. Shut down. Go do hours of exercise in heat until I glow and look like someone to whom nothing bad has ever happened. Then proceed to act as if that were true. 

Today, I am gonna work til noon, then take a drive out to Basom. I am starting to plan growing things from seed (need less from stores). Seeds that will make more seeds are illegal for farmers (unbelievable but true) and are hard to come by in general. 

You have to put some effort in to finding authentic anything.

Card of the day is more dick (which might be just a stick lol).

Far as I know, no dick stores are in Basom but everything be craycray these days. Maybe instead of the typical giant "injun" statues, people will start putting GIANT DICKS in front of gas stations. I mean, if we all have to all go craycray, couldn't we at least have a little bit 🤏 of fun? 

"If you miss a beat, invent another." patti smith, a patron saint